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Too Young to Be the Grumpy Old Man

It’s the dark day when you realize that at the venerable old age of 27, you have become the grumpy, bitter, old man in your group of friends. Of course certain friends of mine that seek to actively remind me that I “hate things that are fun,” usually while I’m lecturing him on the wisdom of not drinking another 4Loko and the dangers of eating nothing but Ramen noodles.

Then suddenly, something very horrifying hit me. I wasn’t lecturing him because he was drinking fermented cat urine mixed with the batch of red bull that had been accidentally mixed with toxic waste, but because it was time he grew up and acted like an adult.

That’s right. I told my friend to act like a freakin’ adult.

There was a shattering glass moment inside my head as all of my illusions were instantaneously shattered. I’m a freakin’ grown up…

Today, at lunch, I ordered tea. TEA! Not Dr. Pepper or delicious, awesome providing Cherry Coke, but TEA!

Every night this week I’ve gone to bed BEFORE 11 PM!

My knees hurt before a storm!

I sit in the living room and watch my stories with my dog that just lays under my feet half asleep the whole time.

You know who does those things?

Old people.

Not the awesome kind of old people either, you know the ones that drive motorcycles and fire machine guns.

Nope, the boring, old, waiting to die kind of old people.

I’m way to young for that, so I’m gonna go buy some legos.

Published by M.A. Brotherton

M.A. Brotherton is a writer, blogger, artist, and fat-kid from the suburbs of Kansas City, Missouri. He’s tasted a little bit of everything the Midwest has to offer, ranging from meth-tweaking rednecks in massive underground cave complexes to those legendary amber waves of grain. When he’s not writing, he spends most of his time screwing around on the internet.

7 thoughts on “Too Young to Be the Grumpy Old Man”

  1. brandeewineb says:

    Oh, Matt…welcome to the club. Old doesn’t mean sitting around waiting to die. Neither do words like, responsible or well-meaning. You do plenty of things that insure you will stay young at heart…drawing, role playing, etc. Either that or we’ll all be sitting around the home together.

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      Yeah, you’d be surprised at how old LARPing makes me feel these days. At one point I was the youngest guy on the field, and now, I’m regularly the oldest. Oy…

  2. brandeewineb says:

    Oh, Matt…welcome to the club. Old doesn’t mean sitting around waiting to die. Neither do words like, responsible or well-meaning. You do plenty of things that insure you will stay young at heart…drawing, role playing, etc. Either that or we’ll all be sitting around the home together.

  3. Carlos Torres says:

    Enjoyed the post – Heh made me chuckle, though I don’t account 27 being “old”. Mature, perhaps but most definitely not old

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      Yeah, age is just a number. I’m certain that 3-400 years from now I’ll look back on this moment in my immortal robot body and laugh, and laugh.

  4. Stereo.* says:

    Lmao it sucks, right? I reached this point at 19 and once the horror subsided, I totally embraced it. We can be the old folks together, Matt.

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      Sometimes I look forward to sitting on my porch, drinking lemonade and verbally abusing all of the neighborhood kids, you know.

      I just hope I come to a place in the future where I am like, “Man, I can’t believe I thought I had it together back then!”

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