Ok, at this point, if you’re not familiar with #YouFoundMeHow, then you’re seriously missing out on knowledge of how crazy SEO is and how ridiculous people are when they search for things on Google. Google, in particular, I’ve noticed that non-google search terms seem much… saner? I can probably attribute this to how few people use services like Yahoo or Bing anymore. The great Google overlords have you, and you cannot resist the lure of their seductive tools of the dark ones.
At least they aren’t Apple.
The idea of #YouFoundMeHow is to show off the search terms used to find our blogs so that we might all have a hearty laugh at ourselves and our readers.
Don’t kid yourselves, people, bloggers thing their readers are an endless source of inspiration thanks to their bottomless levels of both genius and stupidity. So, you know, Thanks for that. And I assure you, yes YOU, that you’re on the genius side.
There are no formal rules, aside from honesty and the need to hashtag your post with the #YouFoundMeHow Hashtag.
The Top 5 Search Terms for February 2012
Keep in mind that these are only for my site. Not, like, you know, the real top 5, which I imagine involve a lot more Whitney Houston, Superbowls, and Oscars or something.
1) The Hunger Games
I wrote a review of the Hunger Games Trilogy. It was, well, a book review. I enjoyed the books, and I’m pretty sure some of my less normal search terms come from that review also, such as, “+antigovernment young adult fiction.” I guess a spade’s a spade, right? Still, I think in general whoever was searching for that was disappointed. My review could hardly be called controversial in that regard, by either side of the fence.
Besides, there is a lot better fiction that makes you hate the government.
Then again, if you ask the right people, fiction isn’t needed to hate the government.
2) 100 Drawing Challenge
I draw things. A lot of things. The 100 Drawing Challenge is a list of things I am drawing. You can find out more about it on the Drawing Challenges Page. Thanks for all the love you people show my doodlin’ too. I appreciate that much more than you could ever know.
3) Google Music Icon
I need to do another review of Google Music soon. The first one is a little old, and I’ve found so many better uses for a cloud music player since then. Sincerely though, I love Google Music.
4) Doktor X
My good friend, Doktor X is gone now. He was eaten by something beyond human comprehension. He may be back one day, when he discovers a way to slice open the great beasts belly or wriggle free from it’s maw. You cannot kill Doktor X. He is an unkillable monster.
5) Couch to 5k Too Hard
Tell me about it fatty. You’re not alone. Personally, I’ve decided that athletic people should be eaten by bears.
The 5 Craziest Search Terms of February 2012
1) “How dare you blame me for my kid being fat?”
Oh, I’m going to blame you, asshole. I’m going to blame you until the clown eats your face. Fat kids are always 100% the fault of the parents. Teach your kids to have a healthy relationship with food and make them run a little. They won’t be fat kids anymore.
A note about being a fat kid: It has little to do with being fat. Fat kids are fat kids at the core. They have issues that need to be addressed outside of their diet an exercise.
Most of the time they are hurting.
Talk to your kids.
They need it.
Damn, I didn’t expect to get all serious in a #YouFoundMeHow post.
2) “the killers challenge 30 days”
Look, I know how they got to my webpage with this search, but I really don’t want to know if there is a Challenge Meme out there for murderers… I just don’t.
Side Note: Interesting Topic for a good book or a horrible horror movie. Maybe both.
You found me, but why all one word?
4) “how to take a curse off you” or at least 6 other variatons.
Step 1 – Stop getting cursed by people. This is important.
Step 2 – Stop believing in curses. This is also important.
Step 3 – Contact me (MBrotherton@gmail.com) and I will personally quote you a price to create your very own anti-hoodoo-juju that will ensure you’re immunity from curses. Prices range from $5-$2500 depending on the curse in question. Plus Shipping and Handling.
5) “vegans will destroy the world”
I use humor sometimes to make a point. Almost to absurd levels. Yet, there are people out there that take me incredibly seriously. Dangerously seriously. I hope my vegan friends lock their doors at night. There are some hardcore anti-vegan Nazis in the world.
Things I’m Proud You Search For
“Penguins in Love” or even “PenguinLovers.PNG”
I drew a picture:
I pretty much new from the moment I drew it that I had something special here.
I need to get it put on some greeting cards soon.
It’s pretty freaking cute.
You all want to buy it.
Right? You’d spend like $8 on that, wouldn’t you?
I know you would, who am I kidding.
Google away, young larpers. Google contentedly knowing that I am here for you.
There you have it.
That’s February all in a nifty little package.
One dripping with the blood, sweat and tears of one blogger and the millions of souls of the damned that follow him about.
See you Next Month.