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Some Random Facts to Settle Your Wednesday

I hate to admit that I’m stuck at work and it’s driving me insane, so I thought I’d cheer up myself, and hopefully all of you by proxy, with an amazing display of absolutely true facts that I didn’t just make up…

…or did I?

THERE WILL BE A TEST!

Almost Certainly Not Made Up Facts About Wednesday!

Wednesday… It’s like some sort of supernatural, monocular being is sending out vibrations to let us know that today is his day.

Wednesday is like a raisin oatmeal cookie, on the one hand it is a cookie, but on the other hand it doesn’t have anything cookie tasting in it.

Wednesday is like being really busy at work; No matter how much you get done, you don’t feel like you’ve reached the finish line yet.

Wednesday is the only day of the week that doesn’t like pie. Wednesday vastly prefers cake… Without ice cream.

The most babies are born on Tuesday, but the most babies are conceived on Wednesday… because there’s nothing on TV.

Wednesday Adams was going to be named Friday, but then the writer got struck by a spear and they knew what must be done.

I am 30% less likely to draw faces on inanimate objects on a Wednesday than I am on a Thursday.

The official fruit of Wednesday is the Nobel Limon.

The Official Color of Wednesday is Green. This is also the official color of awesome things. Not a Coincidence.

In Romance Languages, Wednesday is named after Hermes. Which is obvious, of course.

I once heard a rumor that it was against the law to Spit on Pigeons on Wednesday in Juan de Nova Island.

Almost Certainly Not Made Up Facts About Other Stuff!

Jedi is the Official State religion of the Republic.

You are not allowed to drive while wearing flip-flops in Missouri. It is moving violation similar to speeding or not using a turn signal.

Penguins possess super powers, but they’re only allowed to use them if the world is in crisis… or to harass Seals.

The Singer Seal is not actually a seal.

According to a recent google search, Walruses and Seals are not the same thing… Who Knew?

The Singer Seal is also not a Walrus.

The lethal dosage of caffeine is roughly 80 – 100 cups of coffee for an average sized adult.

That means you would have to drink roughly 220 cans of Mountain Dew to off yourself.

America does not have a King or Queen, which makes us different than Canada.

The word Motel does not mean the opposite of the world Lotem… Lotem doesn’t mean anything.

If a Yeti steals your blood for use in Yeti-Sorcery Ritual to make you a Homunculi, you can get drunk just by being near their booze-aura without actually drinking any booze yourself! Win-Win!

In some countries, well trained poodles are considered a form of currency.

If you sit up in a crowded McDonald’s and shout, “I KNOW WHO THE KILLER IS,” about 3 hours later you have to spend the night talking to the police.

Also, running naked down the street shouting “Eureka,” does not make you a scientific genius, no matter how many times you try.

Even though meatloaf is cooked in a bread pan, you’re not suppose to slice it and use it to make sandwiches… but you should because it’s awesome!

TODAY’S LAST FACT:

Armadillo eggs are not actually the larval form of Armadillos, because Armadillos are mammals. They aren’t the cool kind of renegade law-breaking mammal like the Nobel Platypus either… they’re just big rats. We should call Armadillos Ball-Rats.

 

There you go, all the absolutely true, 100% not made up facts you can muster. You can trust them all because they are written on the internet and everyone knows the internet can’t lie.

(That’s why the internet says I am clever, insightful, and handsome with laser eyes and an arm cannon. All true.)

 

PS: Did I tell you guys that I tumbl now? Yeah, it’s cool. No bid deal. Just this thing all the kids are doing.You can go there to find all the daily doodles and stuff. I like tumblr, it’s like twitter with pictures.

Published by M.A. Brotherton

M.A. Brotherton is a writer, blogger, artist, and fat-kid from the suburbs of Kansas City, Missouri. He’s tasted a little bit of everything the Midwest has to offer, ranging from meth-tweaking rednecks in massive underground cave complexes to those legendary amber waves of grain. When he’s not writing, he spends most of his time screwing around on the internet.

3 thoughts on “Some Random Facts to Settle Your Wednesday”

  1. Lady *S* of Glitter says:

    I don’t believe you about driving in flip-flops in Missouri. You’re just so bigoted against flip-flops, you think psycho prejudiced factoids up to keep our feet outta dem. Do you wish you had a Singer Seal as a pet? Or did you just pick that as animal of the week? Yes, you are clever, insightful, and handsome. I’ve never seen you use your robot apparati but I believe.

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      You know how you should know that wearing Flip-Flops is wrong? Because you get defensive about how horrible it is to wear flip-flops. Driving barefoot is illegal in Missouri, and wearing flip flops is considered driving barefoot.

      You know what you’re doing is wrong… You don’t have to justify it. It’s like eating cheeseburgers. It’s bad, but feels so good.

      Is a Singer Seal a thing? Because I was totally going for reference to the singer, Seal, who sang, “Kiss From a Rose,” on the Batman Forever soundtrack.

      Also, Safety dance.

      1. Lady *S* of Glitter says:

        Man. We had to bring in the weird black dude with the absurd hot German wife? Really?

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