Recently, on my Writing Challenges page, I was tasked with talking about my Top 9s, as in my Top 9 movies, books, shows, songs, restaurants, etc. I’ve been toying around with it in the back of my head for a while, and I’ve been trying to think of a good reason not to do it. I mean, if I was a real blogger, I’d probably try to force it into some sort of niche goodness and ride it out or something, but I’m not a real blogger. I’m about as far from being good at this as they come, so I’ve decided I will just do it my own way, with my own little flair. You know, because I’m awesome like that. It doesn’t really matter my motives, even if they are using it as an excuse to not have to think about what I’m writing about.

I’ve decided to ease into the Top 9s with something nice and simple.

TOP 9 SATURDAY AFTERNOON MOVIES

So, the challenge I’m giving myself this week is to come up with the best 9 movies to spend half asleep on a couch on Saturday afternoon watching. This may or may not be during a self induced fried chicken bender coma. I’ll let you decide if that is part of it.

I recommend that you give it a shot though, it really adds to the experience.

9- The Breakfast Club

I’m going to come out of the gate swinging. The basic rule is that if a John Hughes movie (or more accurately and 80s John Hughes movie) is on the television, you watch it. You can get away with watching a 90s John Hughes movie in a pinch, but you’ll probably feel bad about it the next morning. You know, like when you get really drunk and try to make out with a squirrel and your friends post a video of it up on youtube… again…

Still, The Breakfast Club is the Brat Pack movie. Without a doubt it is probably the most classic teen movie ever made, and there is nothing better for a lazy Saturday afternoon than a good teen movie. Why not strive for the very best here. Now, the downside is that most Hughes movies aren’t on Netflix, so you’ll actually have to hunt this down on television somewhere. The good news is that there is roughly a 99% chance that it will actually be on television, if you have enough channels. Much like That 70s Show, Friends, and Scrubs, it is basically on TV 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, if you know where to look.

Of course, you should probably just buy the damned movie, because seriously, it’s worth the $10 from Amazon on DVD.

If you don’t remember what it’s about, here’s the trailer and a large, heavy object. Watch one, club yourself across the face repeatedly with the other.

This movie has just about everything you need it to have for a good Saturday Afternoon Flick. You’ve probably seen it enough times to quote it word for word, even if you don’t appreciate it as much as you should. It has Molly Ringwald AND Emilio Estevez. Finally, it has a kick ass 80s soundtrack that will make you pump your fist in the air and freeze motion jump.

“D-D-D-DOOOOOON’T YOOOOUUUUUUU— FORGEET ABOUT MEEEEE!”

Bitchin’.

8- National Treasure (and it’s Sequel)

Again, there is a roughly 30% chance that either movie is going to be on any given Saturday Afternoon, often back to back! For those of you who are not familiar with the National Treasure Franchise, it is basically what happens when the Goonies grow up and become Nick Cage. I’m not joking here, check out the trailer:

<p>Did you see it? There was a very brief flash of Chester Copperpot’s dead body. Seriously, they even have stupidly designed gadgets (some made by Ben Franklin) and there is a SECRET MAP on the BACK OF A FRAMED DOCUMENT! For God’s Sake he is even racing a group of Mafia treasure hunters to the freaking <strike>PIRATE</strike> PILGRIM TREASURE! I ask you this, is there any reason not to watch it? No! There isn’t. It’s fun, just like the movie it blatantly rips off… minus the steamy make outs between Sean Astin and Kerri Green. </p>  <p>Even better, you can basically own both National Treasure movies and that movie where Robin Williams is funny despite Ben Stillers best efforts to the contrary for less than $30 as a package deal on Amazon. I’d suggest not, though. Night of the Museum is a horrible waste of a Saturday, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00005JN5E/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=screvoicofrea-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=B00005JN5E" target="_blank">National Treasure is like $6 on DVD</a>.</p>  <h2>7- Big Trouble in Little China</h2>  <p>More likely to be on late on a Saturday night than in the afternoon, but really, in the Chicken Coma, it all just kinds of blends together between Friday night and Monday morning, so we’ll just go with it. </p>  <div style="padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 0px auto; padding-left: 0px; width: 448px; padding-right: 0px; display: block; float: none; padding-top: 0px" id="scid:5737277B-5D6D-4f48-ABFC-DD9C333F4C5D:2d3ac9c3-fda6-49f6-ba13-afbf065372a6" class="wlWriterEditableSmartContent"><div><object width="448" height="252"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/0HEitZ06oRY?hl=en&amp;hd=1"/><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/0HEitZ06oRY?hl=en&amp;hd=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="448" height="252"/></object></div><div style="width:448px;clear:both;font-size:.8em">That dude has LASER EYES! IN the freakin’ 80s man!</div></div>  <p>I don’t want to spoil this movie for you, but basically a trucker murders ancient Chinese people with the help of his stereotypically Asian friend. It was the 80s, and you could get away with that kid of blatant racism without involving Jet Li if you wanted to. Also, there is a guy that blows up in this movie. I mean like a balloon, not a fire cracker. Still, I’m sure you know that it’s pretty much the most bad ass thing ever. </p>  <p>Also, you can pick it up for like <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00005A3KU/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=screvoicofrea-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=B00005A3KU" target="_blank">$7 on Amazon</a>, which is about $193 less than the original budget for the movie. </p>  <h2>6- The Fifth Element</h2>  <p>This is one of the greatest movies of all time. It has absolutely everything you could ever want in a movie. Here’s a brief list:</p>  <ol>   <li>Bruce Willis being a bad ass every man.</li>    <li>Milla Jovovich wearing nothing but a band aid. </li>    <li>Luke Perry fighting a clockwork cockroach in the first 3 minutes.</li>    <li>A little blue elephant monster.</li>    <li>Rock Opera. </li>    <li>Space Explosions.</li> </ol>  <p>What else could you want?</p>  <div style="padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 0px auto; padding-left: 0px; width: 448px; padding-right: 0px; display: block; float: none; padding-top: 0px" id="scid:5737277B-5D6D-4f48-ABFC-DD9C333F4C5D:66758d56-0f78-4c97-8115-c86fc164096b" class="wlWriterEditableSmartContent"><div><object width="448" height="252"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/OoKssDjs64o?hl=en&amp;hd=1"/><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/OoKssDjs64o?hl=en&amp;hd=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="448" height="252"/></object></div><div style="width:448px;clear:both;font-size:.8em">Leeloo Dallas Multypass…</div></div>  <p>Oh, how about an entire movie dedicated to proving that <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_Planet_and_the_Planeteers" target="_blank">Ma-Ti’s</a> power was more badass than all of the other Planateer’s combined. When did Wheeler ever murder a Satan-Planet, right? </p>  <p>Basically, what I ‘m saying here is you can’t just flip past this movie. If it’s on the tv, you stop, and you watch it. The entire time thinking about how discomfortingly hot that blue chick is. Just in case you don’t already own it on DVD, Blue Ray, Ultra Violet and a bootlegged Betamax, you can pick it up on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0006GVJE4/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=screvoicofrea-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=B0006GVJE4" target="_blank">Amazon for surprisingly cheap</a>, considering how completely freakin’ bad ass it is. </p>  <h2>5 - 17 Again</h2>  <p>I want to make it very clear that given the choice between watching any one of the dozens of Zac Efron movies that are on any given Saturday afternoon, 17 Again is the only real choice. It’s not that he isn’t a pretty decent actor, it’s that his parents sold him to Disney when he was like 4 and he was forced to make all the High School Musical movies. The things he’s been in that are absolutely amazing probably aren’t going to be on TV on a Saturday afternoon anytime soon (Charlie St&#160; Cloud, for example). I suppose you do have the option of <em>not </em>watching a Zac Efron movie, but then, that probably means not watching something at all some afternoons, and that just goes against the entire point of all this, doesn’t it.</p>  <p>Besides, he plays a teenaged Matthew Perry who has to constantly struggle to not make out with his daughter, gothy Michelle Trachtenberg. Not making out with inappropriately hot teenagers is an important lesson in learning to be a good dad, or something. At least I think that’s the point of the movie. </p>  <div style="padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 0px auto; padding-left: 0px; width: 448px; padding-right: 0px; display: block; float: none; padding-top: 0px" id="scid:5737277B-5D6D-4f48-ABFC-DD9C333F4C5D:da6af718-fd6d-4fed-aeb6-87174bbc9bf5" class="wlWriterEditableSmartContent"><div><object width="448" height="252"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/CW9TkWY6Cng?hl=en&amp;hd=1"/><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/CW9TkWY6Cng?hl=en&amp;hd=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="448" height="252"/></object></div><div style="width:448px;clear:both;font-size:.8em">Oh, and wear a condom or you’ll have a Freaky Friday moment withy yourself during your midlife crisis. That’s the other lesson here.</div></div>  <p>&#160;</p>  <p>Still, it’s like a Teen Comedy mixed with a Body Swap Flick mixed with a Romantic Comedy. It’s right up the “half-awake Saturday” alley. That makes it brilliant for some very good reasons.</p>  <p>Namely, Gothy Michelle Trachtenberg. </p>  <h2>4- The Wedding Singer</h2>  <p>Most Adam Sandler movies are at the exact level of entertaining and stupid we’re looking for in Saturday afternoon nap movie, but the Wedding Singer also has 80s music. </p>  <div style="padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 0px auto; padding-left: 0px; width: 448px; padding-right: 0px; display: block; float: none; padding-top: 0px" id="scid:5737277B-5D6D-4f48-ABFC-DD9C333F4C5D:3397161c-5108-4099-82be-b4781fe3ce63" class="wlWriterEditableSmartContent"><div><object width="448" height="252"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/_F_7wmQYrgg?hl=en&amp;hd=1"/><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/_F_7wmQYrgg?hl=en&amp;hd=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="448" height="252"/></object></div><div style="width:448px;clear:both;font-size:.8em">You spin me right round, Adam Sandler, right round.</div></div>  <p>I like 80s music. I like Romantic Comedies with predictable endings featuring Billy Idol. I even like Adam Sandler 90% of the time. This movie just fits into place. Plus, Drew Barrymore isn’t acting all strange and coked out here like she did in the real 80s… </p>  <h2>3 - 100 Girls</h2>  <p>I’m going to assume you haven’t seen it. So here’s the trailer first. </p>  <div style="padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 0px auto; padding-left: 0px; width: 448px; padding-right: 0px; display: block; float: none; padding-top: 0px" id="scid:5737277B-5D6D-4f48-ABFC-DD9C333F4C5D:0da1e228-2bff-4e86-8d8c-3ebe9099f192" class="wlWriterEditableSmartContent"><div><object width="448" height="252"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ihI3Y21aqOk?hl=en&amp;hd=1"/><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ihI3Y21aqOk?hl=en&amp;hd=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="448" height="252"/></object></div><div style="width:448px;clear:both;font-size:.8em">No one in this movie had a bad career… I think that says something.</div></div>  <p>Okay, 100 Girls is one of my all time favorite movies. I watch it every couple of months anyway, just to refresh the dialogue in my head. I force new friends to watch it, and, honestly, the reaction someone has to it is part of my way of vetting friends and more importantly women I date. It’s a fun movie with an incredibly unbelievable plot. Of course, it’s hilarious, witty and melodramatic, which makes it right up my alley. It also has a sequel (Girl Fever or 100 Women depending on what continent you live on) that was responsible for Jennifer Morrison’s career. It’s not as good as the original, but it’s still pretty watchable. </p>  <p>Go and watch it now. </p>  <p>You can come back and find out what the last 2 movies on the list are afterwards. </p>  <h2>2 - 10 Things I Hate About You</h2>  <p>Ah, Heath Ledger’s Finest work. The modern interpretation of Taming of the Shrew that launched an entire series of modern interpretations of Shakespeare plays in the early new millennium. Also, this was the turning point for Joshua Gordon-Levitt’s dissent into hipsterdom from which he actively works to recover to this day. </p>  <p>Added bonus: David Krumhotlz - Best Actor Ever. If he’s in a movie, I’ll watch it. He doesn’t make bad career decisions. </p>  <div style="padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 0px auto; padding-left: 0px; width: 448px; padding-right: 0px; display: block; float: none; padding-top: 0px" id="scid:5737277B-5D6D-4f48-ABFC-DD9C333F4C5D:62a55d7f-0783-4d17-8fa3-d2eef3b84152" class="wlWriterEditableSmartContent"><div><object width="448" height="252"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/AWmjzCZr0Jw?hl=en&amp;hd=1"/><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/AWmjzCZr0Jw?hl=en&amp;hd=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="448" height="252"/></object></div><div style="width:448px;clear:both;font-size:.8em">Also that Julia Styles chick was in it.</div></div>  <p>It’s great to think that Big Wily S was inventing the Teen Rom-Com way back in the day. Between Taming and Romeo, he pretty much had the cinema covered for the next 1000 years or so. That’s the kind of writing power that only comes along once in a species’ existence. </p>  <p>Wow, that is actually a bit sad to think about…</p>  <h2>1 - Elizabethtown</h2>  <p>If I was an attractive man, and my dad was a travelling salesman that died while visiting family, I can imagine it being something like Elzabethtown. Except, well, it’d be Carrolton, but you get the idea. Still, this movie is about Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst dealing with some strange things and eventually banging. I know, there is a&#160; lot more emotion to the plot than that, but I don’t think I can actually talk about it without either coming out as a giant wuss or a huge jerk. Either way, you should just watch the trailer to get an idea of what it’s about: </p>  <p>&#160;</p>  <div style="padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 0px auto; padding-left: 0px; width: 448px; padding-right: 0px; display: block; float: none; padding-top: 0px" id="scid:5737277B-5D6D-4f48-ABFC-DD9C333F4C5D:5b20a06d-333b-489d-80f4-bac9f2841c8d" class="wlWriterEditableSmartContent"><div><object width="448" height="252"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/BSZWSsQIh_U?hl=en&amp;hd=1"/><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/BSZWSsQIh_U?hl=en&amp;hd=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="448" height="252"/></object></div><div style="width:448px;clear:both;font-size:.8em">Designing bad shoes is bad for you.</div></div>  <p>Yeah, basically, if there was a lightsaber fight and some sort of magic spells thrown, it would basically have everything I look for in a movie script. Ok, so I’m a giant wuss. I like movies that are sad and depressing, but still have that hopeful inspiration of true and ever lasting romantic love. </p>  <p>Look, I’m not going to let go of that notion just because it doesn’t exist and anyone that thinks it does should be on powerful sedatives. </p>  <p>Color me a sensitive romantic. </p>  <p>&#160;</p>  <p>There you go, the countdown of the top 9 movies to Watch on Saturday Afternoon. </p>  <p>Of course, you can substitute absolutely any of them for whatever else is on as long as it has any 3 of the following 4 qualities:</p>  <ol>   <li>You’ve seen it enough times to have the script memorized.</li>    <li>Something, preferably a spaceship, but not necessarily, explodes in a ball of fire. </li>    <li>People bang.</li>    <li>Leading man makes bad puns.</li> </ol>  <p>If you have that, you’re good to go with your nap film.