You were probably expecting me to say, “Happy New Year,” like some kind of sucker! Well, nuts to that! I’ve got something much, much better going on in the Brotherton household this year. You see, I have invented a new holiday, and not like my old, busted new holiday, but a real new holiday.
Ladies and Gentlemen, are you tired of the gift grind for Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, Yule or Koliada? Do you want to bring back the true Spirit of the Season? Are you afraid that your friends and family will have you committed to a mental institution if you don’t provide them with their precious consumerism?
Then do I have great news for you!
That’s right, friends, Gift-mas, the holiday devoted entirely to the frugal celebration of friends and family through the exchange of gifts (on a discount).
Each year, we all spend millions of dollars of our hard-earned money on the preposterously marked-up brick-a-brack! We quite literally murder one another to save a buck in our Black Friday deals. This is stupid. You are stupid for being a part of it. Because there is an easier way.
At the end of the Holiday season, those same brick-a-bracks and knick-a-knacks go on sale again. This time, without the deathly throngs of zombinous crowds working hard to feast on your innards and decimate your soul!
That is why, friends, I propose we change the rules! Those of us with the intestinal fortitude to forgo the folly of the mad can instead bring happiness and joy to the lives of our loved-ones a mere six days later.
Instead of toiling through the holidays, celebrate your loved ones (and your personal spiritual beliefs) and leave the gift giving for New Year’s Eve.
On A Serious Note
Actually, I have to say, all of this came about because I didn’t get paid until 12/24 and my book royalties didn’t come in until 12/29. It made it hard to do any shopping before Christmas, but once I mentioned the idea, my dad exploded in a ball of pure joy.
It has quickly escalated into something we are genuinely enjoying.
Gifts given to be opened at midnight. Food is simple. Joy is precious and cost very little.
I hope you all have a wonderful Gift-Mas.
If not this year, than maybe in 2015.