This morning I was struck with a sudden and brilliant moment of inspiration. It was filled with clarity, genius and insight. I coddled it in my brain-arms and breathed into it deeply of my imagination and wit, coalescing it into a force of raw, unadulterated wisdom that must have come directly from the Divine Almighty. But then my dog was all, “I need to go potty, NOA!” and I forgot what I was thinking about. Fortunately, once the sleepy morning grog began to wear off, I came across today’s blog post over at Life Without Pants and was struck by a whole new genius thought. 

They should make Peanut Butter cups with Apple Butter in them, too.

Actually, that was a re-occurrence of an idea I’d had last night while watching Master Chef, but it was a really good idea, so I let it get a double play. Then, I actually read Matt Chevont’s article and decided that, logically, his question of “What if today you did what you thought was impossible,” must be a literal one. Otherwise I’d never have any idea what he was talking about. I mean, how am I suppose to come up with something genius or clever.

Also, I’m not quite right in the head and I believe that if I want it bad enough that Jackie Chan will fly down from the sky and bring me a magic hoagie that once consumed will give me super ninja powers. That makes “impossible” a pretty damned big stretch for me. Still, if I go with my own personal aspirations and the definition of “impossible” that the common man uses, I can probably think of some cool things that should be on everyone’s Impossible Bucket List.

41 Things to Do Before I die, but won’t because Reality is a Whore

It is very important that I clarify the rules. There are 3 of them:

1. Nothing can go on the list if it is theoretically possible for us to do it in the next 5 years… i.e. Laser Eyes and Man-Gills.
2. Physics is a lie perpetuated by a conspiracy to make the universe less awesome, and therefore, must be ignored at all costs.
3. Rules are stupid and only apply to people that can’t to do the impossible anyway.

So, now that you know the score, lets rock the casba, so to speak.

1. Fly like a super hero.
2. Generate Energy Swords from my Hands and Fight an Army of Demon Robots.
3. Travel back in time and draw mustaches and goatees on all of the cave pantings to really mess with archeologists.
4. Uninvent spray on Tans.
5. Spend 37 minutes inside of Tom Cruise’s head. I feel this would be more than enough time to understand.
6. Make sure that Johnny 5 is alive.
7. Buy Santa lunch.
8. Ride a dinosaur across the desert in pursuit of the elusive sand-yeti.
9. Live my life as a musical for 24 hours, randomly bursting into song and detailed choreography with everyone around me.
10.    Two Words: Penguin Surfing.
11.   Bring back Friendster!
12.   Prevent Firefly from ever having been canceled.
13.    In addition, if this did not do it on it’s own, I would ###SPOILERS###, and then kick Joss Whedon in the head for thinking about it.
14.   Pet Cthulu for EVERYONE!
15.   Clone myself 1000 times and force them to fight to death in THE ARENA… duh duh duh…
16.    Convince the President to say, “Over 9000” on National Television!
17.    Rocket Cats… everywhere.
18.    MIND BULLETS!
19.    Spell the word “Falafel” without having to look it up on Google.
20.    Green light a Sequel to “Surf Ninjas.”
21.    Fist fight The Sharktopus.
22.    Storm a Castle, slaying thousands of mutant turtles, only to be told by a mushroom man that the princess is not there, man.
23.    Kick Glenn Beck in the nuts hard enough to launch him into orbit… Twice.
24.    Remove the ability for people to show up in pictures when they make duckface.
25.    Buy Rambo a puppy, and just be like, “It’s okay man, the war is over, this little guy just wants to cuddle.”
26.    Build a flying city and declare it neutral territory in the war against bacteria.
27.    While sitting behind the wheel of a flying DeLorean, lower my sunglasses and announce, “Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.”
28.    Be the Pumpkin King!
29.    Replace a random person’s leg with TV’s Patrick Duffy.
30.    Create a cow that has the same powers as Thor’s goats. Also, a chicken and pig. Mmmm… immortal meats…
31.    Get a mule and a gorilla to breed the true race of Donkey Kongs.
32.    Restore the Dodo Bird to life so that we can all laugh at them as they die off again from their own stupidity.
33.    Replace the Evil Dayball with a more friendly and less murderous star.
34.    Unsee that which cannot be unseen…
35.    Build an army of Jedi Squirrels to combat the Sith Kittens.
36.    Create something more culturally significant than the Pizza Roll Cannon.
37.    Cure Stupid
38.    Magic Barbecue Grill…. Just saying.
39.    Catch a fish…
40.    Convince everyone that Speaks English to get together and come to a complete consensus on the proper pronunciation of every word, then never have anything mispronounced ever again!
41.     Convert everyone to °K, and the rest of the SI, actually.

There you go, that should get everyone’s imaginations and anti-reality fields buzzing. Feel free to drop some comments adding to the list.