I am a creative, imaginative dude, and as a creative, imaginative dude, I regularly find myself drawn to Instructables.Com. I probably go there two to three times a week and I never fail to find a handful of projects that I really want to do. Of course, being as I’m about as mechanically inclined as a rabid howler monkey on military grade heroine, I know better than to ever even start anything that takes more tools that a pocket knife and some dryer lint. Any attempt to follow clearly written instructions in the past has resulted in some horrifying wastes of time, money, and personal appendages. Did you know they can sew a finger back on if it gets cut off, even it it was a pair of scrap booking shears? Live and learn.
Fortunately for me, and the general well being of those who live in the same town as I do, I now have a new roommate, one possessed of strange and archaic spiritual powers of stuff building and repairing. Of course, I refer to the All-Powerful Redneck Witchdoctor. In the years past, when I lived amidst his people, I bore witnessed to him performing some truly impressive feats, such as resurrecting a dead Honda Civic with nothing but a can of generic cola, exercising the demons from the bowels of a garbage disposal so that it will stop screaming and growing with a horrible fury and function completely again, and build a working short bow out of nothing but a golf flag. There are very few limitations on his Slackjaw Shamanic Powers. Through a combination of his Hillbilly Hoodoo, my unflappable imagination, and probably a little big of aide in the “girly crafts” from our third roommate, we will be unstoppable in the construction of some awesomely geeky projects.
Those of you out there who lack any interaction with a Mountain Man Mystic of your own, don’t worry though, I am actively-ish working on getting The Redneck Witchdoctor to part with his wisdom that I might share it with the world at large, at least those things that are not forbidden to teach outsiders, of course. Apparently the art of Zombie Washing Machine summoning is a closely guarded secret that would cost me half of my soul and a thirty pack of the silver bullet to learn. C’est la vie.
Now that Mother Nature is tempting us with an early spring (it’s 75 degrees here today, IN FEBRUARY!), all of those projects I’ve been longing to bring to life for years are starting to get jiggy on my brain pan. In fact, the Witchdoctor and I have been building up quite a large list of projects of mutual interest over the last couple of years. Time, money and space have held us back in the past, but this year, I will accomplish at least one project! Dang it!