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Don’t be a spazz! Get the 411 on wassup with the Lingo!

I work with people who are either old enough to be my parents or a younger sibling of my parents, and in a couple of instances old enough to be my grand parents. There is an almost 10 year age difference between myself and the next youngest person in the entire company. Sometimes, this leads to a bit of a communications barrier.  Usually, it comes from me saying something, and them trying really hard to figure out what I meant. Less often, it involves them referencing some archaic and obsolete concept and me staring at them like they’re drooling and messing themselves. Either way, I’ve determined that it is incredibly helpful to create a handy phrase book for quick translating.

Memeonic to Old Person Phrases

We should probably start with explaining the term “Memeonic” to the “Old People.” Memeonic is a portmanteau of the word “Meme,” meaning a tiny bit of information that gets transferred both vertically and horizontally across a culture, and “Phonics,” meaning things you say. Most old people would know this word as “internet slang.”

I should also point out that “Old Person” refers to a member of any generation before the iGeneration, that might still be alive. They of course have their own “slang,” and that is what I will be translating into going back to the Baby Boomers. The Silent Generation doesn’t get heard now anymore than they did 70 years ago.

5 Phrases that might help you avoid an embarrassing incident.

Plain English: I understand what you are saying, and its cool with me.

Memeonic: I grok memeonic, for the win!

Gen-X: I follow, aight?

Baby Boomer: That’s cool, I can dig it.

Plain English: I can’t seem to figure out the problem here.

Memeonic: WTF!?

Gen-X: What the hell!?

Baby Boomer: Damn it!

Plain English: I have found myself in an unfavorable situation.

Memeonic: Full of Fail.

Gen-X: That Sucks!

Baby Boomer: This Blows!

Plain English: An angry, rude or cruel person.

Memeonic: Troll

Gen-X: Asshat

Baby Boomer: Laker

Plain English: I am declaring myself the victor!

Memeonic: Can you taste the total pwnage? (pronounced: pone-idge)

Gen-X: In yo’ face, BEEYOTCH!

Baby Boomer: BURN!

BONUS! Quick Translate Guide!

Some things have always existed, but they have changed their name over time. Here’s a reference guide!

wadevs – a guttural way of saying “Whatever.” Which is a somewhat old school term meaning, “Who cares?”

Sup? – 140 character conversations have forced the shortening of the language. Sup is just a new way of saying, “What’s up?”

meh – Usually accompanied by a shoulder shrug, basically replaced “huh” as the term for “I did not know that, and only find it mildly interesting.”

hashtag – This is a hashtag: #, You might know it also as a “pound sign.” It is used for the horrendous murder of nuance and subtlety or to trend topics on twitter, which gets you more exposure. It is both a noun, meaning the symbol, and a verb, meaning to use the symbol to mark words.

ex. I found a shiny object on the way to the store!#HappyDay;

I drank all of the vodka, ate an entire package of hotdogs, then called my ex. #Iamdesperatelyalone

dm – Literally shorthand for “Direct Message” – this means, “GOD DAMN IT! STOP LEAKING PRIVATE INFORMATION ALL OVER THE TUBES!”

The Tubes – Internet.

There you go. A quick phrase book and primer to let you know sup. Hopefully this helps to prevent embarrassing incidents like asking a co-worker how “fail” or “win” can be used as nouns.

Published by M.A. Brotherton

M.A. Brotherton is a writer, blogger, artist, and fat-kid from the suburbs of Kansas City, Missouri. He’s tasted a little bit of everything the Midwest has to offer, ranging from meth-tweaking rednecks in massive underground cave complexes to those legendary amber waves of grain. When he’s not writing, he spends most of his time screwing around on the internet.

4 thoughts on “Don’t be a spazz! Get the 411 on wassup with the Lingo!”

  1. Stereo.* says:

    This is the quote of the day: “Can you taste the total pwnage?”

    Followed very closely by this: “I drank all of the vodka, ate an entire package of hotdogs, then called my ex. #Iamdesperatelyalone.”

    Awesome post, Matt. And one I think I might just send to the Parental Unit.

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      For the record, there is absolutely no truth the the rumor that *I* drank the vodka and made the phone call…

      … It is always rum.

  2. TreasonXIII says:

    I must be REALLY old. The only thing I got from this was that PM (private message) has become Dm (Direct message) and that and that your first paragraph in the quick translate guide is “full of fail” on the topics of subject-verb agreement and the proper usage of “there” vs “their”.

    I think the grammar Nazi must be the oldest form of troll on the internet.

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      Homophones are words created for the soul purpose of cheating at scrabble.

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