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23 Ideas from The Dark and Wondrous Mind of M.A. Brotherton

I didn’t want to write this article this morning. My creative mind has been fighting me, kicking and screaming, through a half dozen or so drafts. My brain is still recovering from Planet Comicon this past weekend, and very much has no interest in working on anything serious. It just keeps bouncing up and feeding me clever ideas about inter-dimensional creativity portals and flying t-rexes or killer cyborg penguins. It is not in a very excellent self reflective mode.

So, it’s probably a good thing that today in my inbox, I was given a prompt to create a list of 23 things.

Why 23? I have no idea, it seems like a particularly arbitrary number, but I’ll go with it.

So, without further ado, you are going to get 23 very random things I’ve thought of this morning, or in the past, or in the future.

MY MIND IS 4 DIMENSIONAL!

23 Thoughts from the Dark and Wondrous Mind of M.A. Brotherton

  1. I stand by my belief that the only reason that the US Government wants to tap into internet accounts, emails, text messages and facebooks is because they suck at finding their own porn and need us to gather it for them.
  2. Instead of prisons, we should send all criminals to boot camp, only, instead of just being super tough, it’ll be more like it was in Starship Troopers, where there is a very good chance of being launched out of the space hatch if you don’t follow the rules. Reform means more than just isolation and psychological torture.
  3. There are these big construction lights on 150 highway here in Kansas City that read “DO NOT BARREL THROUGH.” Every time I see one, I want to hack it to say, “DO A BARREL ROLL!” It’s not the most clever or original thing to think of, but I’d love to see a car flipping through there, too.
  4. I think someone should do a Gummi Bears reboot series in which the bears are actually trained ninja sent to assassinate the evil  shogun that controls the goblins. It’d be epic.
  5. If I could be any cartoon character that ever existed, I’d be very torn between Kit Cloudkicker and Xanatos. It was decided this weekend by myself and Chris (Yeti_Detective) that it would just be too hard to pick between the two.
  6. I need a hair cut. I usually do it myself, but this might be related to why I always end up looking like a potato…
  7. I should probably be more aware that bitching about people bitching about people bitching is counter productive in and of itself. Instead I need to become a vigilante… it’d be better for society.
  8. I like musicals but I hate reality television. It makes American Idol and The Voice turn into an internal civil war that causes me to imagine splitting into two people and fighting to the death. In the end, I just avoid watching them most of the time.
  9. I still don’t understand why there are men that think Kristen Bell or Megan Fox are attractive. I guess a lot of men are also attracted to Kangroos, so Maybe I’m just not meant to understand.
  10. There are times when I think my integrity as an artist might be at risk. Then I just laugh at myself and draw penises.
  11.   Coffee is the most horrible flavor on the planet. Why do people make it candy? Oh well, at least if you add enough chocolate and sugar to it, you’ll get both the yummy of chocolate and head smashing energy of caffeine.
  12.   Every time I walk into work, I think to myself, “Why couldn’t my office be in the command center?”
  13.   Why can’t the rabbit eat Trix cereal? It seems a bit racist to not allow it at all. Kids are dicks.
  14.   I am obsessed with the idea of buying a Sharpie liquid pencil, but afraid that it won’t turn out to be nearly as cool as I imagine it to be.
  15.   I sometimes fight with myself about if I should hit publish or not, or send out a tweet, or a facebook status update. Part of me is still afraid I’ll get stabbed by rabid internets, but a part of me also knows that the crazier I am the more people seem to like me. It is all about ego, either direction.
  16.   As cool at it would be to be a Jedi, it’d be even more bad ass to be a lightsider Sith. They exist. Trust me.
  17.   I am never happy with anything I draw until a couple of days have passed, then it’s like my favorite thing ever.
  18.   I just remembered that Wil Wheaton’s Book, Just a Geek, should be at my house when I get home from work today! This excites me in my geeky bits.
  19.   I spent something like 3 hours Friday night talking with my Brother about how we would do a Reboot of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It’s been a few days now, and I still am convinced our series would be both bad ass and make Joss Whedon Proud.
  20.   I very rarely actually eat tacos. I prefer things that aren’t messy. I don’t really like to eat with my fingers, either, if I can avoid it. I’ve been mocked for eating pizza, ribs, and chicken with a fork and knife more than once.
  21.   You want to know something seriously messed up? Besides the fact that Mario full on Donkey Punches the crap out of Yoshi to make him eat things, he also is forcing him to eat SENTIENT creatures. Now, I’m not sure we can judge Yoshi for this, because he is clearly a slave, and of a race who’s reproductive abilities are tied to their intake of food, but Mario should be held accountable for the mass genocide he commits on a regular basis. Really, is Bowser that evil? I mean, the princess obviously goes with him of her own accord. Does that justify Mario one-man-armying his entire empire to the ground and slaughtering his citizens whole sale? He is the King of the Koopa and they don’t seem to want to dispose of him as their monarch any time soon.
  22.   The green Mio Energy tastes like Energy Drinks. The Red Mio Energy tastes like cough syrup. If you mix them together, you can pretend you’re getting krunk.
  23.    I seriously think I might have missed my calling as both a lawyer and a therapist. I could make big bucks helping people with their mental problems to sue people that don’t believe in mental disorders. I’d be like a renegade folk hero, traveling the country and protecting people from the man… possibly with fire. Fire is pretty.

There you go, a little bit of insight into my mind. I hope you’ve come out of this experience unscathed. If you haven’t, you can’t blame me. I keep telling you all that I’m a horrible human being. It’s not my fault you don’t believe me.

I want a dinosaur.

I’m writing this as part of the Scintilla Project, a fortnight of writing things for people. It’s cool, check it out.

Published by M.A. Brotherton

M.A. Brotherton is a writer, blogger, artist, and fat-kid from the suburbs of Kansas City, Missouri. He’s tasted a little bit of everything the Midwest has to offer, ranging from meth-tweaking rednecks in massive underground cave complexes to those legendary amber waves of grain. When he’s not writing, he spends most of his time screwing around on the internet.

18 thoughts on “23 Ideas from The Dark and Wondrous Mind of M.A. Brotherton”

  1. DycheDesigns says:

    Thanks for the laugh, great list.  You’ve got to try eating food with your hands, it tastes so much better.

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      I do eat food with my hands sometimes, but I know where my hands have been and that worries me.. It worries me a lot.

  2. Kim says:

    Ah! By now your book is there! So I hope you are reading it instead of my comment.

    23 is a very arbitrary number, but it works for me. And you too, evidently! It’s been pretty neat to see the variety of lists people made today.

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      I am starting on it right now. I had other things to attend to. But I’ve had Mr. Wheaton’s face staring at me since I got home.

  3. Tracy Mangold says:

    good lord, man!!! will you puhleaze start creating a cominc strip with your doodles and hilarity? puhleeeeeeeeeeaze!!!!!!! with you as main character.

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      Shhhh… Top Secrets are Confidential.

  4. Stereo.* says:

    Well this was a joyous way to spend some of my afternoon. #21 made me laugh out loud and elicit raised eyebrows from my colleagues who I suppose are actually doing Real Work.

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      Yoshi Liberation and Equality is a real issue. We shouldn’t just saddle our friends and ride them around… unless they’re into that sort of thing.

      Maybe I have this whole “Mario/Yoshi” dynamic wrong…

  5. Liz (artemisretreats) says:

    Awesome.  I love lists and yours is just wondrous in its humor & bizarreness.

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      Thank you! I do my best to let the crazy out in little bursts, so as to not terrify the random passerby.

  6. Mark says:

    BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHa

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Mwaaaaa hahhahahahahaha! 

  7. Sandi Amorim says:

    Umm…#14? Not nearly as cool as you’d expect 🙁

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      Awe.. my dreams have been crushed… Oh well.. at least I didn’t waste 5 bucks on it.

  8. Brandee Baltzell says:

    “Kids are dicks.”  Hahahahahahahahaha!

    And #17?  I’m never happy…so, there’s that.

    I wish I had something even remotely as entertaining as your 23 post is!

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      Kids are dicks, and about 70% grow into adult sized dicks!

      You should be happy, you rock.

      Everyone is way more interesting than I am, if they take the time to free write a list like this.

  9. Lady *S* of Glitter says:

    Most people-potato-heads I know are pretty smart. Hence your brilliant list. You only want a dinosaur if it Safety Dances.

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      Hmm…. I think I could teach it to safety dance if it also had robot eyes. 

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