I didn’t want to write this article this morning. My creative mind has been fighting me, kicking and screaming, through a half dozen or so drafts. My brain is still recovering from Planet Comicon this past weekend, and very much has no interest in working on anything serious. It just keeps bouncing up and feeding me clever ideas about inter-dimensional creativity portals and flying t-rexes or killer cyborg penguins. It is not in a very excellent self reflective mode.
So, it’s probably a good thing that today in my inbox, I was given a prompt to create a list of 23 things.
Why 23? I have no idea, it seems like a particularly arbitrary number, but I’ll go with it.
So, without further ado, you are going to get 23 very random things I’ve thought of this morning, or in the past, or in the future.
MY MIND IS 4 DIMENSIONAL!
23 Thoughts from the Dark and Wondrous Mind of M.A. Brotherton
- I stand by my belief that the only reason that the US Government wants to tap into internet accounts, emails, text messages and facebooks is because they suck at finding their own porn and need us to gather it for them.
- Instead of prisons, we should send all criminals to boot camp, only, instead of just being super tough, it’ll be more like it was in Starship Troopers, where there is a very good chance of being launched out of the space hatch if you don’t follow the rules. Reform means more than just isolation and psychological torture.
- There are these big construction lights on 150 highway here in Kansas City that read “DO NOT BARREL THROUGH.” Every time I see one, I want to hack it to say, “DO A BARREL ROLL!” It’s not the most clever or original thing to think of, but I’d love to see a car flipping through there, too.
- I think someone should do a Gummi Bears reboot series in which the bears are actually trained ninja sent to assassinate the evil shogun that controls the goblins. It’d be epic.
- If I could be any cartoon character that ever existed, I’d be very torn between Kit Cloudkicker and Xanatos. It was decided this weekend by myself and Chris (Yeti_Detective) that it would just be too hard to pick between the two.
- I need a hair cut. I usually do it myself, but this might be related to why I always end up looking like a potato…
- I should probably be more aware that bitching about people bitching about people bitching is counter productive in and of itself. Instead I need to become a vigilante… it’d be better for society.
- I like musicals but I hate reality television. It makes American Idol and The Voice turn into an internal civil war that causes me to imagine splitting into two people and fighting to the death. In the end, I just avoid watching them most of the time.
- I still don’t understand why there are men that think Kristen Bell or Megan Fox are attractive. I guess a lot of men are also attracted to Kangroos, so Maybe I’m just not meant to understand.
- There are times when I think my integrity as an artist might be at risk. Then I just laugh at myself and draw penises.
- Coffee is the most horrible flavor on the planet. Why do people make it candy? Oh well, at least if you add enough chocolate and sugar to it, you’ll get both the yummy of chocolate and head smashing energy of caffeine.
- Every time I walk into work, I think to myself, “Why couldn’t my office be in the command center?”
- Why can’t the rabbit eat Trix cereal? It seems a bit racist to not allow it at all. Kids are dicks.
- I am obsessed with the idea of buying a Sharpie liquid pencil, but afraid that it won’t turn out to be nearly as cool as I imagine it to be.
- I sometimes fight with myself about if I should hit publish or not, or send out a tweet, or a facebook status update. Part of me is still afraid I’ll get stabbed by rabid internets, but a part of me also knows that the crazier I am the more people seem to like me. It is all about ego, either direction.
- As cool at it would be to be a Jedi, it’d be even more bad ass to be a lightsider Sith. They exist. Trust me.
- I am never happy with anything I draw until a couple of days have passed, then it’s like my favorite thing ever.
- I just remembered that Wil Wheaton’s Book, Just a Geek, should be at my house when I get home from work today! This excites me in my geeky bits.
- I spent something like 3 hours Friday night talking with my Brother about how we would do a Reboot of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It’s been a few days now, and I still am convinced our series would be both bad ass and make Joss Whedon Proud.
- I very rarely actually eat tacos. I prefer things that aren’t messy. I don’t really like to eat with my fingers, either, if I can avoid it. I’ve been mocked for eating pizza, ribs, and chicken with a fork and knife more than once.
- You want to know something seriously messed up? Besides the fact that Mario full on Donkey Punches the crap out of Yoshi to make him eat things, he also is forcing him to eat SENTIENT creatures. Now, I’m not sure we can judge Yoshi for this, because he is clearly a slave, and of a race who’s reproductive abilities are tied to their intake of food, but Mario should be held accountable for the mass genocide he commits on a regular basis. Really, is Bowser that evil? I mean, the princess obviously goes with him of her own accord. Does that justify Mario one-man-armying his entire empire to the ground and slaughtering his citizens whole sale? He is the King of the Koopa and they don’t seem to want to dispose of him as their monarch any time soon.
- The green Mio Energy tastes like Energy Drinks. The Red Mio Energy tastes like cough syrup. If you mix them together, you can pretend you’re getting krunk.
- I seriously think I might have missed my calling as both a lawyer and a therapist. I could make big bucks helping people with their mental problems to sue people that don’t believe in mental disorders. I’d be like a renegade folk hero, traveling the country and protecting people from the man… possibly with fire. Fire is pretty.
There you go, a little bit of insight into my mind. I hope you’ve come out of this experience unscathed. If you haven’t, you can’t blame me. I keep telling you all that I’m a horrible human being. It’s not my fault you don’t believe me.
I want a dinosaur.
I’m writing this as part of the Scintilla Project, a fortnight of writing things for people. It’s cool, check it out.