Ah, now that I’m fully moved in the monster that is February, it’s time to stop, look around, and get a feeling for where I’m at in life. I’ve made a plan, and for the most part I’m sticking to it. But, every day is a little bit farther form that “epiphany moment” when everything seemed to snap into place and form something from the chaos. From there my mind has been shifting and splitting,and I don’t know if it’s progressing, or just mutating into a dodo bird. I was starting to get discouraged and frustrated.
It isn’t that I’m not showing progress. I’ve lost a bit of weight, and I can look at my saving’s account and know that I’m at least doing better financially. The problem is, those two aspects of it have quantifiable numbers that I can look at and say, “See, I’m doing better! This number isn’t a negative!” When it comes to my mental and spiritual well being, there is no way to track it. I’m not even sure I want there to be. I thought I was supposed to have figured everything out by now, and the farther down the road I get, the more questions I seem to have. It worried me that I was missing something that felt like it should be obvious.
Then I got an email from the folks at Reverb10.
One month into 2011, what question(s) are you living? Are there any prompts/questions that arose during #reverb10 that are still resonating in your life? Are you living new questions?
Wait…. what’s that?
I’m not supposed to know all the answers to life?
I suppose it’s impossible to know know everything, but that’s never stopped me from wanting to. Maybe I should take that as a sign of progress. The more I learn the more questions I will have. If it puts my spirit at rest to have a quantifiable way of showing progress, maybe I should look at it like that. The more questions I can ask myself the better. Socrates said, “The only true wisdom is knowing that you know nothing.” So, never stop asking questions.
I know I have a pretty large list built up right now that I have to figure out, and most of them pertain to what I want to do as a blogger. Is it a hobby? Do I want to be a professional? Can I make enough money to quit my job and still afford my lifestyle? Can I keep writing everyday? Should I? Does anyone even care? Is this topic okay for this blog, or should I put it somewhere else? Will Amy stay with Ricky or will she and Ben work it out in the end?
Ok.. I might be watching too much Secret Lives of the American Teenager…