#Reverb11 – Reverb Overwhelming

I’ve been having a hard time getting into Reverb this year. I don’t know if it is just that I’m still feeling pretty under the weather, or if it’s because I feel like I’ve already poured out a lot of my personal demons, faced them, and moved on. I spent a lot of time this year on introspection and now I’m not sure how deep I really am, anyway. There is only so much well to tap here.

I’ve actually gotten a little afraid. You see, it feels a little like I might have already depleted my reserves of real emotions. For a writer, that’s about as bad as having all of your fingers cut off. Worse, probably, since without fingers I could still slap a microphone in front of my face and run some talk-to-text software to get that out there, anyway. Running out of the juice of a story, though, the raw experiences that drive us, that’s about the worst thing that can ever happen to a person.

I that’s where I feel like I’m at right now.

That isn’t to say that I’m burnt out or giving up or anything like that. I just feel like what I have to share isn’t doing justice to #Reverb11 and the community that has sprung up around it. There are some amazing reverbers, people like Jason Benoit, who can leave you sitting in a pool of your own tears, your emotions betraying you as his words play you like a fiddle. It’s been hard enough just keeping up with reading the brilliant writing going on this year, let alone trying to keep up with the writing itself.

Anyway, I plan to spend some time this weekend recharging my batteries a little, reading the wonderful writing of the other bloggers in the reverb community, and maybe getting a lot of sleep. Then, I should be ready to bounce back and plumb the depths of my soul again.

I’d like to think that I’ve still got a lot of myself to go. I’d hate to have hit the bottom of the barrel with just this.

20 thoughts on “#Reverb11 – Reverb Overwhelming

  1. amanda says:

    yes! come back to it on Monday!

    1. Thanks. I will be back, always.

  2. Brandee says:

    No way…you are an excellent writer, and maybe you could approach in through drawing. I copied you on a response to @noelrozny, with another approach to prompts. Look back through your timeline. Maybe that could be the inspiration you need.

    1. I’ve been doing a bit of reverb doodling. It’s actually quite draining. I think I just need to separate myself from the whole thing for a bit.

  3. Jason Benoit says:

    First of all, I want to say that I understand how it is when you feel like the juices just aren’t flowing like they did. It happens to every writer, and not just once. The important thing is that you see it for what it is and don’t give up on yourself. I personally feel like your posts are very bit as good as anything else I’ve read, but I know what you’re going through. I hope to see you back to four bars soon. 
    Second, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the wonderful things you’ve said about me in this post. I am a work in progress and my writing is as well. My only hope is that I can live up to the high praise, thank you. See you soon, all that sleep sounds like a lot of fun. 

    1. I think sooner or later every writer hits that wall. We can push through it sometimes, and sometimes, we just need to take a step back from it, so we can get a running leap over it.

      Jason, I don’t think you can ever disappoint as long as you continue to use your voice.

  4. Matt, I sort of know what you are going through as I’ve been feeling as though I don’t have a lot to contribute emotionally to the prompts this year. Not to say anything against them as they are good and it is just me. I feel like I’ve said much of what needs to be said regarding many of the prompts so in many ways my well has run dry to great degree – I feel. Recharge. Do what you need to do but please – don’t compare. We are all so unique and have our own way of describing, telling, sharing. YOU have a very unique and one of a kind way of telling a story. I look forward to your posts immensely. I do feel like I can’t possibly get around to all the posts I want to and I feel guilt over it. 
    I only got two responses today and that had me feeling like – what’s the point? I shouldn’t feel like that because that isn’t why I blog. But still – I feel like I’m left out of the “loop” sometimes and I get down and think, screw it. I’ll just delete twitter. I’ll close my blog. I’ll just hole up. I get that way sometimes. Maybe it is because I’m so isolated. I don’t’ know. I couldn’t really go through with it because of the friendships I’ve made with you all. You are all too special to me and I don’t want to lose those relationships we’ve built in the last year. 
    I get the need to step back though. Write what you feel. Write how you want to write. Give us MATT.Not a copy of someone else or who you think we want you to be. Just give us you. Believe me, that is all we need. 🙂 Take care of you and don’t step away too long. You are a light in the window… Sorry for the long rant….

    1. Tracy,

      I don’t know how, but you always seem to push me a little bit harder in exactly the right way. Your friendship is a gift that I’m very glad to have received this year.

  5. rita says:

    I so get that.  I feel a little bit like that and I helped with the prompts!  🙂 It’s just that there’s a new level . I feel like there’s a new level I can go to.  Last year I shared a lot, much like a lot of us did, which is what brought us altogether in the first place, and now, there’s more.  I can feel it.  And when I have those feelings of resistance, I know it’s because I need to dig deeper. I think having been sick probably doesn’t help.  I say take the time you need to heal yourself to get healthy and then…go for it.

    1. I think I understand what you mean. I laid a lot of myself bare last year, and now I feel like I need to go so much beyond where I was to find that next great moment. It’s like being a drug addict, always chasing a bigger high.

  6. silversign says:

    I think it’s even harder because we do this in December when often we are sick (I am, stinking cold and as usual this time of year, CFS flare up) and so much to do (stress, stress). It’s hard to be creative at the same time! Have the weekend off and come back renewed on Monday.  I, for one, am really enjoying your posts. 

    1. Thank you.  I think the real difficulty is in finding new things about yourself, especially now that this is the second year. I’ve learned a lot about myself this year, and healed a lot of wounds. Sometimes I think it’s hard to write when it doesn’t come from a place of pain. I forget that joy can be as powerful as sorrow.

  7. Meredith says:

    If a day doesn’t feel like a good writing day, don’t worry about it. Do the prompts at your own leisure. And the writer’s block? It happens. It especially happens when you are battling/ have battled depression. Nothing sucks more than that inner voice trying to tell you that you suck, can’t do it, and will always suck. The best thing you can do is follow through with your plans to read, sleep, and recharge. On Monday, punch that inner voice right in the jaw and tell it that you are an awesome writer and artist.

    1. I think, at times, that I can’t write when I don’t have that inner voice trying to drag me down.  A big hunk of my drive comes from trying to fight off depression, and at the moment, things are actually going pretty stable for me. I think I have to learn how to live without being depressed again. That is the tricky part of it all.

  8. ***C*** says:

    I don’t really know what  I can contribute as far as “helping” seeing as I just kind of do my own little thing.  But always go with your gut, and if it’s telling you to just take a break then do it.  Otherwise you run the risk of resenting your own writing.  I think, too, just attack the “prompt” in a way that works for you.

    1. Thanks.

      I do try to follow my instincts when I can, they’re usually pretty accurate. 

  9. Roxanne says:

    I hear you.  I am not feeling the public reflection as much this year; I seem to be unable to get into a solid Reverb groove and my only response to a prompt has been in video form. This process is of no use if it feels forced… so enjoy the quiet and the silence, and we’ll be here when you’re ready to dive back in. 

    [Also, I love this glimpse into the redesign!]

    1. I think I’ve figured out what it is that’s been bothering me. I think maybe that’s the real secret to reverbing.

  10. JulieJordanScott2 says:

    I appreciate your candor. I am also glad you are recharging. Last night I sat in a chair in the kitchen actually *gasp* reading short stories FOR FUN! I am personalizing Reverb this year, gleaning the Prompts I would like to write from and then… writing as it calls me. I am glad you are not just retreating entirely. Personal approach, dear one. This is what may work for you, too. Big hugs and look forward to reading more!

    1. Thank you. I’ve followed your advice a bit and found a way to make it my own. Something I think everyone needs to spend some time thinking about.

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