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#Reverb11 – It’s Been 1 Year

So, I’ve been having a problem getting into the spirit of reverb this year. It isn’t about the prompts, they’ve been great, and the diversity of them pretty much ensures that there is always at least one that speaks to me. The problem comes from something inside myself, some part of me that isn’t willing to look back on the past anymore because it seems so selfish to continue to indulge that part of me. It feels damaging, not because it really is, but because I am intent on it being that way. When I look back on my past, it is an exercise in self-pity, and I refuse to allow myself to do that anymore.  I’ve come too far to fall back on that. I’m better than that.

There is a reason I can move on from that, though, and that reason is because I have faced down that part of myself, and in the end stabbed it repeatedly with a very large, wicked knife. I did that over the course of the last year, and that’s the point of Reverb, to see how far you’ve come in the last year, and get ready to propel yourself even farther in 2012.

I’ve been thinking a lot about that, too, and what that means. I love the reverb community, and I am grateful to all of the people that have worked hard to put together prompts so that everyone would have something to write about, but I don’t think I need it anymore.  I think what I really need to do is follow the spirit of Reverb. I need to reflect on the past year, and prepare for the year ahead.

So, I’ve come up with a bit of a plan.

Starting tomorrow, I’m going to spend the rest of December going back through my archives for 2011 (and including reverb10) looking for the moments when I’ve triumphed and faltered. I want to look back on them now, detached and separated from those feelings and see what I can learn from them.

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out what the next level is, and I think I’ve come to the conclusion that this is it.

I think it’s time for this little boy to grow up, and become responsible for himself.

Otherwise, I might never make it there.

 

Published by M.A. Brotherton

M.A. Brotherton is a writer, blogger, artist, and fat-kid from the suburbs of Kansas City, Missouri. He’s tasted a little bit of everything the Midwest has to offer, ranging from meth-tweaking rednecks in massive underground cave complexes to those legendary amber waves of grain. When he’s not writing, he spends most of his time screwing around on the internet.

11 thoughts on “#Reverb11 – It’s Been 1 Year”

  1. Tracy Mangold says:

    You know. I think you put your finger on the problem. I feel the same way. I haven’t done a prompt since Friday. I just don’t really have the heart to at this moment unless one really speaks to me. I really feel like I’ve “been there, done that”. The comments have really waned and I just have lost interest in dredging up the past. I agree with you. But I think you have grown up. I think you have found yourself to large degree. You know what you want or you are at least getting a far clearer picture of it. You’ve come a long way. Write what you feel – as I keep saying. I miss the doodles and your daily writing about what is striking you. So do that and forget about the prompts. We’ll still be reading. 😀

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      I know what you mean. I don’t neccissarily write for comments, but they always make me feel warm and gooey. I feel bad, because I’ve been so short on time and mental focus lately that comments have seemed like something I can’t even begin to think about writing, so I’ve just been retweeting urls.

      I want you to know, that I for one, love your stuff.

      I think this year we all just need to find our own path. Maybe Gwen was right all along.

  2. Jason Benoit says:

    I am with Tracy. I will be here reading whether you answer a prompt or not. This thing isn’t about the prompts anyway, not for me, it’s a way of reaching out to people who you don’t normally get to showcase your talents to. Do your thing  man, nobody is losing any friends because they can’t answer a reverb prompt. Don’t let this get you down. You have my support, and that of many others, regardless of the reverb thing. I’ll still be reading this blog this time next year, no matter where you decide to go from here. This thing didn’t keep anyone coming back for the last year, you did. It just brought you into my sights, your honesty, sense of humor, talent, and all around awesomeness are why we keep coming back. Be well. 

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      I guess doing my thing always feels like I’m doing something wrong. It seems counter-intuitive, but I have to trust myself. There isn’t anyone that can do it for me.

  3. dominique says:

    i agree with everyone else. the spirit of the project is reflection – so take that spirit in whatever sense you need to to get it done, whatever way works for you. it’s *hard* to keep up with the momentum of these prompts and sometimes i think that unless you have a much more exciting life than i (and most everybody i know) – things are bound to get a bit repetitious. we’re behind you!

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      I live an extremely exciting life inside my head. I think. It’s a bit crowded in there most of the time.

  4. Meredith says:

    This is exactly why I tried to focus on the “manifest” part of it all when I came up with my own prompt list. Last year there was too much reflection and not enough manifestation. This led to the recurring dwelling over losing my job last year, and it sucked hardcore. This year was a bust in terms of what I had planned, and this time around I wanted to, y’know, PLAN for the upcoming year. Too much is riding on it. So, I completely get what you’re saying. There’s no reason to dwell on past hurts — just remember the lessons you’ve learned and plan for the future.

  5. noelrozny says:

    I agree with the comments here. Less reflecting, more manifesting, and more about doing what’s right for you! I think it’s really brave of you to call out for what you need like this. Bravo.

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      Let’s all manifest greatness in 2012! Like unicorns and bags of shiny gold coins!

  6. Mental Mosaic says:

    I know what you mean about how looking into the past can suck a person into the quicksand of self-pity! 

    What a great idea to look back for the positive moments.

    I found your post via Noel’s tweet, btw, that’s one thing I love about the whole Reverb thing – finding interesting new blogs to follow! 🙂

    Tui

  7. Mental Mosaic says:

    I know what you mean about how looking into the past can suck a person into the quicksand of self-pity! 

    What a great idea to look back for the positive moments.

    I found your post via Noel’s tweet, btw, that’s one thing I love about the whole Reverb thing – finding interesting new blogs to follow! 🙂

    Tui

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