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Mentally Disorganized

Meh, I got nothing....

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This is my desktop, yes, my mouse pad is a 2009 calendar, thanks for noticing.
I have a compulsion to be disorganized. It isn’t that I can’t get organized, that’s all actually pretty easy to me. The problem is, I can’t stay organized. I suffer from a pretty severe case of chronic scatterbrain.  In fact, it plagues me even as I write this. Between “chronic scatterbrain” and “In fact,” I played Zuma Blitz, checked Twitter (8 times), checked Facebook (2 times), went and got some tea, and stared off into space for a few minutes. Wait, What was I saying?

 

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Meh, I got nothing....
Recently, Brad over at Geekin’ Hard has written about his struggles with ADD and his quest to find the proper meds to help him reach a sense of normalcy. I hope he is able to achieve what he is looking for and be happy.

 

 

 

I’m not sure that’s what I want.

What is Normalcy?

Sure, it might be more convenient for other people if I was able to pop a pill and function the same way they do, at a slow, steady and focused pace, but is that the right way? I can understand the appeal sometimes, but most of the time, I want to be more frantic.

I don’t feel right, unless I’m feeling anxious. That probably says a lot about me right there, and it is a big part of the allure of the handfuls of stimulants I used to wash down with cans of energy drinks. There is no better feeling in the world that when your heart is pumping loud enough you can hear it, and your brain is firing fast enough that you have to worry about your hair being caught in an electrical fire. We are biologically programmed to crave those moments because that is when our instincts kick in.

It’s hard for me to be in that place, maybe it would be easier for me to reach that state if I were normal.

There’s the rub, though. The true fear that floats up and keeps me from going and seeking out medical help for my problems, too. If I’m normal, doesn’t that mean I’m not special? Most of my life people have referred to me as “odd” or “a weird duck,” and I’ve always thought that was a compliment. After all, who ever achieved anything great by being just like everyone else?

I do know that I’m going to have to start doing something different pretty soon, though. There are too many awesome things I want to do, and they’re never going to get done if I can’t work on one project for more than 20 minutes at a time. Maybe it is time for me to try being normal.

Now, if I could just forget that lingering thought that doctor’s give you cancer…

Published by M.A. Brotherton

M.A. Brotherton is a writer, blogger, artist, and fat-kid from the suburbs of Kansas City, Missouri. He’s tasted a little bit of everything the Midwest has to offer, ranging from meth-tweaking rednecks in massive underground cave complexes to those legendary amber waves of grain. When he’s not writing, he spends most of his time screwing around on the internet.

4 thoughts on “Mentally Disorganized”

  1. brandeewineb says:

    I can relate to this. Once I get started with my day, I gradually have more and more stuff spread out on my desk. I have two screens, the better to multi-task with. I have music playing and phones in my ear. I fight the urge to be disorganized by forcing myself, at the end of every work day, to “clean my room.” I go through and refile things, put stuff away and completely clear my desk. In the morning, the madness begins again. I made a deal with my boss a long time ago. As long as I meet deadlines, and manage to take care of clients, she doesn’t care how I do it or the order in which I get things done. That’s a good thing, because I bounce from one project to the next with no rhyme or reason.

    Resist the urge to be normal…I’m sure that it’s overrated, and there really is no such thing. I hope that you get to a point where your fuel isn’t anxiety, but doing several things at once just means that you have a higher capacity than others!

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      It’s weird. I want to say that I don’t have an urge to be normal because I’m proud of being odd. At the same time, 27 years of being ostracized for my unique behavior, I’ve pretty much developed a chameleon reflex to at least try and seem normal. It doesn’t work particularly well, but hey, it lets people not think I’m going to murder them and eat their corpses, so there’s that.

      Honestly, I think as long as my customers don’t complain about what I’m doing, my boss couldn’t care less. I try to organize all of my stuff at the end of the day, but really, my file cabinet isn’t much better than my desk piles.

  2. Tracy Mangold says:

    WHY BE NORMAL!

    “There is no better feeling in the world that when your heart is pumping loud enough you can hear it, and your brain is firing fast enough that you have to worry about your hair being caught in an electrical fire. We are biologically programmed to crave those moments because that is when our instincts kick in.”
    AMEN AMEN AMEN and ALLELUIA! I SOOO know this feeling and feel the same exact way. My best best work comes when I am like this. Everyone else thinks I’m freaking out or cannot handle the pressure but it is just me getting amped and ready to ROLL. LOVE it!

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      It’s the bouncy, happy, tumbly, bumbly time!

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