I’m writing to you live from my secret lair, deep beneath the bowels of someone else’s home. So far, I believe I’ve managed to go undetected from the people that live above me through clever use of my stealth ninja skills. If I can maintain my stealth for a few more months they will be forced to accept me as one of their own under Missouri squatters laws. If I break my stealth mode, I might have to use my combat training, even if my score will go way down.
No, actually, they are fully aware that I am here and mooching off of them. So far, they tolerate it because I help mow and sometimes babysit their kids.
I think you all know that the job search is not going well. I’ve been doing my best to find any kind of employment, including fast food. So far, I have been incredibly unsuccessful. I am not giving up hope. I am sure there is someone out there that is willing to pay me to be part of their entourage. Perhaps I might even get hired to be a part of a crew. In the meantime, I am going to have to double down on my efforts to be a creative genius worthy of song and dance… and pizza rolls. Never forget the importance of pizza rolls. It is to that end that I’ve been having conversations with my friend Tracy, or as the internet knows her InkyTwig.
Tracy is a real adult, and even a professional. She has degrees and certifications and everything! Tracy is also, without a doubt, my go to for advice on how to not be a total loser. She’s been giving me some really good ideas, too. She’s encouraging and wise like an owl or a baboon in a Disney movie. What I’m saying here is she’s a hoopty frood who knows where her towel is.
To this end, Tracy has encouraged me to express my art more and try to make the big moneys off of it. She even had ideas on what my art actually is. This was all brilliant advice for me because I honestly don’t know. She did, though, and it was genius.
I’m not going to quote our private emails because they’ll be public record in a few years anyway, you know, after PRISM declassifies them along with everyone else’s personal private communications. I will boil it down into the juicy fruits of what I think she’s saying.
Tracy, if I’m wrong, feel free to hit me with a virtual Zeppelin.
By the way, Virtual Zeppelin is the name of my new German Folk Fusion Techno band.
Tracy suggested that I am a legit lifestyle blogger. Not in those words, more in the, “Why don’t you write about being unemployed,” sense. After a quick binging of “Lifestyle Blogging” I found out that it is a legitimate thing that people do, or more accurately, it is a technical name for what I do. That is to say there is a term for people that bitch about their personal lives on the internet for the amusement, entertainment, and enlightenment of random internet strangers.
Dude, I never realized that what I do is a thing. Like a real thing. Like a thing people do!
I guess they concentrate mostly on talking about how they live their lives and give advice to people who want to live like them. I’m not sure if anyone wants to live the life I’ve got, but if you’re in a pickle, it could be worse. You could be Yeti Detective, after all. Me, I’m worried about the future, but I do at least have a bed, a roof, and internet access between the hours of midnight and 5 AM.
She is also encouraging me to sell more prints of my art.
I do have an online store. You can buy some of my art, but not most of it. I need to work on getting the majority of my art up on it for your perusing pleasure.
Seriously, if there are any pieces of doodles floating around that you want on a T-Shirt, Thong Underwear or Flip-flops, just let me know. I’ll make that happen.
I’ll probably be putting together some new items anyway in the next few days.
I’ve also started another side-hustle, as they’re called in the parlance of my generation.
I’ve begun doing website designs. I’ve done one so far, and you can check it out if you’d like. I do custom WordPress themes, including completely custom artwork at very affordable rates. I’m new to the market and looking for clients. If I can do 6 websites a month, this whole “unemployed” thing might turn into a “self employed” thing. That wouldn’t be too terribly bad at all.
In the meantime, I’m throwing this out into the cosmos for anyone that might want to know about it:
I AM AVAILABLE FOR HIRE.
Email me: MBrotherton@Gmail.Com, and I’ll be happy to discuss whatever work you might want to throw my way.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to put on my big-boy shoes and go on a road trip to pick up a riding lawn mower. More on that bit of news later.
PS: If anyone knows where I left my wallet, I’d appreciate a heads up on that.