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Why Apple iTunes Needs to Die in a Fire, Repeatedly

Okay, I know what you’re all thinking. Matt is about to blow his annual Apple Rant wad. But YOU’RE WRONG!

This is iTunes specific. So it doesn’t count.

So, let’s talk about the world’s worst piece of bloatware.

First of all. I am currently re-re-installing iTunes on my computer. You see, like all Apple products, iTunes randomly destroys itself and has to be replaced with a newer, shittier version. Unlike Apple Hardware, which does get marginally better with each iteration, iTunes gets worse every fucking time.

I mean, come on, Apple. It’s bad enough that you haven’t had an original idea since 1983, or that you force users into accepting your significantly inferior products if they want to use your overpriced status symbols. I’m okay with that. Anyone buying your steaming pile deserves what they paid for (a gold plated pile of shit).

But, these days, I am forced to use your garbage software, not by choice, but because you’ve literally made it impossible for me to do business with you without sucking the syphilitic cock that is iTunes.

Listen, Apple. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. You don’t think iTunes is an issue, but that’s because you’re still suffering from the effects of decades of Steve Jobs kool-aid. It blows. It barely does what it’s supposed to do, despite what all those yes-men you hire tell you, it looks like shit, and it runs terribly. I mean, it uses an unbelievable amount of systems resources.

Seriously, how the fuck is it using so many systems resources? I get it, you want me to use your crappy iStore (another rant entirely). So, you force me to use integrated software, but for fuck’s sake, the only other program I’ve seen use this much memory is Google Chrome, and at least Google admits that it is actively stealing my personal information, DNA profile, and brainwaves!

Debloat your shit and make it look even remotely appealing, and I might stop hating you. I won’t because you’re literally the scummiest, most evil organization on the planet. A pure corruption of the ideals and wonders of your exploited creators. Symbols for everything that has ever been wrong with the United States. The largest bastion of greed and oppression ever created. The…

I digress.

If you actually tried to make your products better instead of spending billions of dollars suppressing better technology in laughable court cases, maybe you’d get around to fixing iTunes. Then maybe there would be 11 BILLION search results for “iTunes sucks.”

Think about it. Or don’t.

Actually, I don’t care. I just found out about App Store. I will never, every need iTunes again.

 

EDIT: Nevermind again. Apparently, Apple once again destroyed anything that made their garbage worthwhile and took App Store to court instead of innovating and making something better.

Worst. Company. Ever.

Published by M.A. Brotherton

M.A. Brotherton is a writer, blogger, artist, and fat-kid from the suburbs of Kansas City, Missouri. He’s tasted a little bit of everything the Midwest has to offer, ranging from meth-tweaking rednecks in massive underground cave complexes to those legendary amber waves of grain. When he’s not writing, he spends most of his time screwing around on the internet.

4 thoughts on “Why Apple iTunes Needs to Die in a Fire, Repeatedly”

  1. Michael La Ronn says:

    I wouldn’t call Apple the worst company ever, but I totally agree with you on Itunes. It’s pretty horrible. 🙂

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      I would be perfectly happy with it, if they just… I don’t know… removed everything apple-y about it. Why, oh, Why, couldn’t Woz stay?

  2. jhudginsartanddesign says:

    Sorry….love my Apple and we are iTunes users here…love it. Of course, I say that as I am drinking my Starbucks Frapp……rant on, I’ll just stand here and giggle.

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      BLASPHEMER! YOU BLASPHEME!

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