This morning I was struck with a sudden and brilliant moment of inspiration. It was filled with clarity, genius and insight. I coddled it in my brain-arms and breathed into it deeply of my imagination and wit, coalescing it into a force of raw, unadulterated wisdom that must have come directly from the Divine Almighty. But then my dog was all, “I need to go potty, NOA!” and I forgot what I was thinking about. Fortunately, once the sleepy morning grog began to wear off, I came across today’s blog post over at Life Without Pants and was struck by a whole new genius thought.
They should make Peanut Butter cups with Apple Butter in them, too.
Actually, that was a re-occurrence of an idea I’d had last night while watching Master Chef, but it was a really good idea, so I let it get a double play. Then, I actually read Matt Chevont’s article and decided that, logically, his question of “What if today you did what you thought was impossible,” must be a literal one. Otherwise I’d never have any idea what he was talking about. I mean, how am I suppose to come up with something genius or clever.
Also, I’m not quite right in the head and I believe that if I want it bad enough that Jackie Chan will fly down from the sky and bring me a magic hoagie that once consumed will give me super ninja powers. That makes “impossible” a pretty damned big stretch for me. Still, if I go with my own personal aspirations and the definition of “impossible” that the common man uses, I can probably think of some cool things that should be on everyone’s Impossible Bucket List.
41 Things to Do Before I die, but won’t because Reality is a Whore
<p>It is very important that I clarify the rules. There are 3 of them:</p> <ol> <li>Nothing can go on the list if it is <em>theoretically</em> possible for us to do it in the next 5 years… i.e. Laser Eyes and Man-Gills.</li> <li>Physics is a lie perpetuated by a conspiracy to make the universe less awesome, and therefore, must be ignored at all costs.</li> <li>Rules are stupid and only apply to people that can’t to do the impossible anyway.</li> </ol> <p>So, now that you know the score, lets rock the casba, so to speak. </p> <ol> <li>Fly like a super hero.</li> <li>Generate Energy Swords from my Hands and Fight an Army of Demon Robots.</li> <li>Travel back in time and draw mustaches and goatees on all of the cave pantings to really mess with archeologists.</li> <li>Uninvent spray on Tans.</li> <li>Spend 37 minutes inside of Tom Cruise’s head. I feel this would be more than enough time to <em>understand</em>. </li> <li>Make sure that Johnny 5 <strong><em>is</em></strong> alive.</li> <li>Buy Santa lunch.</li> <li>Ride a dinosaur across the desert in pursuit of the elusive sand-yeti.</li> <li>Live my life as a musical for 24 hours, randomly bursting into song and detailed choreography with <em>everyone around me.</em></li> <li>   Two Words: Penguin Surfing.</li> <li>  Bring back Friendster! </li> <li>  Prevent Firefly from ever having been canceled. </li> <li>   In addition, if this did not do it on it’s own, I would ###SPOILERS###, and then kick Joss Whedon in the head for thinking about it.</li> <li>  Pet Cthulu for EVERYONE!</li> <li>  Clone myself 1000 times and force them to fight to death in <em>THE ARENA… duh duh duh…</em></li> <li>   Convince the President to say, “Over 9000” on National Television! </li> <li>   Rocket Cats… everywhere.</li> <li>   MIND BULLETS! </li> <li>   Spell the word “Falafel” without having to look it up on Google. </li> <li>   Green light a Sequel to “<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108258/" target="_blank">Surf Ninjas</a>.”</li> <li>   Fist fight The <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sharktopus" target="_blank">Sharktopus</a>. </li> <li>   Storm a Castle, slaying thousands of mutant turtles, only to be told by a mushroom man that the princess is not there, man.</li> <li>   Kick Glenn Beck in the nuts hard enough to launch him into orbit… Twice.</li> <li>   Remove the ability for people to show up in pictures when they make <a href="http://antiduckface.com/" target="_blank">duckface</a>. </li> <li>   Buy Rambo a puppy, and just be like, “It’s okay man, the war is over, this little guy just wants to cuddle.”</li> <li>   Build a flying city and declare it neutral territory in the war against bacteria. </li> <li>   While sitting behind the wheel of a flying DeLorean, lower my sunglasses and announce, “Where we’re going, we don’t <em>need </em>roads.”</li> <li>   Be the Pumpkin King! </li> <li>   <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Volcano_(South_Park)" target="_blank">Replace a random person’s leg with TV’s Patrick Duffy</a>.</li> <li>   Create a cow that has the same powers as Thor’s goats. Also, a chicken and pig. Mmmm… immortal meats…</li> <li>   Get a mule and a gorilla to breed the true race of Donkey Kongs.</li> <li>   Restore the Dodo Bird to life so that we can all laugh at them as they die off again from their own stupidity.</li> <li>   Replace the Evil Dayball with a more friendly and less murderous star. </li> <li>   Unsee that which <a href="http://cantbeunseen.com/" target="_blank">cannot be unseen</a>…</li> <li>   Build an army of Jedi Squirrels to combat the Sith Kittens.</li> <li>   Create something more culturally significant than the Pizza Roll Cannon. </li> <li>   Cure Stupid</li> <li>   Magic Barbecue Grill…. Just saying. </li> <li>   Catch a fish…</li> <li>   Convince everyone that Speaks English to get together and come to a complete consensus on the proper pronunciation of every word, then never have anything mispronounced ever again! </li> <li>    Convert everyone to °K, and the rest of the SI, actually. </li> </ol> <p><font color="#9e9e9e"></font></p> <p>There you go, that should get everyone’s imaginations and anti-reality fields buzzing. Feel free to drop some comments adding to the list.