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Google, Please Make me a Cyborg

Dear Google,


My name is Matt Brotherton, and I want you to make me a cyborg.


You see, I’ve been a big fan of your services and products since the beginning, or as near to as anyone can remember. I’ve been avidly loyal to you as brand, a company, and a creator of fine technologies. I use a ton of your services, and I have faith that the ones I’m not using you will continue to make more and more attractive, because that’s the company you are.

I also believe you when you say that the corporate motto is, “Don’t be Evil.” I believe that when you research and develop a product, it will make the world better in some way.

I’ve seen it with Google Search, YouTube, Gmail, and other services you offer. I’ve seen it in the outside companies and technologies you back.

This is why I am officially volunteering to be a test monkey for you.

I know that you are developing all of the technology now to build cyborgs. You’ve invested in augmented reality integration and have created a neuroprocessing super computer. I would not be surprised to discover that you were developing robot arms and legs, too. It seems like advanced prosthesis is right up Google’s research alley.

What you really need is a body to stick all of that technology in.

Since I’m basically doing nothing with my life and have complete faith in you as a Mega-Corporation that isn’t evil, I’d like to volunteer my body.

The only thing I can ask in exchange is that when we do reach the stage when I have super powers compared to the rest of humanity, you’ll allow me to use them for good.


With 100% Sincerity,

Matthew A. Brotherton

Cyborg Candidate

Published by M.A. Brotherton

M.A. Brotherton is a writer, blogger, artist, and fat-kid from the suburbs of Kansas City, Missouri. He’s tasted a little bit of everything the Midwest has to offer, ranging from meth-tweaking rednecks in massive underground cave complexes to those legendary amber waves of grain. When he’s not writing, he spends most of his time screwing around on the internet.

5 thoughts on “Google, Please Make me a Cyborg”

  1. Stereo.* says:

    I hope they at least give you a robotic arm for writing this.

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      I’d settle for robot eyes… or even just a datajack in my head.

  2. Lady *S* of Glitter says:

    I volunteer you and my husband. I’ll write the letters of recomendation.

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