Day 23 – A Song you Want to Play At Your Wedding

I’ve been married. I don’t really have an inclination to get married again. That being said, if I ever did get married again, I don’t think I would want to have the same music playing at a second wedding. I just don’t want to have any of that a second time around. It was bad, and my marriage was incredibly poisonous to me.  I think if I were to ever get married again, it would be by eloping. I don’t know if they play a lot of music at a court house. So chances are any music would just be what played in my car on the way to and from.

In the spirit of a song that means emotional commitment, though. That’s a pretty easy one.


5 thoughts on “Day 23 – A Song you Want to Play At Your Wedding

  1. Sara Olson-Liebert says:

    Interesting to learn more about people.  I’m not going to sit here and chirp “Marriage can be SO AWESOME when its the right person!!!”  Because even when it’s a perfectly awesome person, it’s hard. Even when it’s a good marriage, things are still hard.  And if you are still working through the toxins of a bad relationship, that makes thing a double hard situation. But if you do find the right one after all that, even though it’s hard, I bet she’ll think you’re worth everything & things will find a way to work, even if they aren’t easy. 🙂

    1. I know that it can be. My parents have been married since the end of the Vietnam war, and still going strong. I look up to my parents in a lot of ways, and their ability to keep their marriage going and healthy through 36 years of craziness, including the extremely difficult task of raising the four of us, which is a deed for which they deserve large shiny metals, is just one of many things about them I aspire to.

      My marriage was a bad marriage, and it has taken me years to even start dating again.

      Still, I’ve always felt like a wedding was a waste of money that would be better spent elsewhere. After all, one big party is not the marriage, it’s not even a part of the marriage. It’s like a big ceremony that say, “Okay, now you can start being married.”

      I think if a marriage is going to be successful, you have to go into the wedding with the idea that you are already married in your head, and the ceremony just makes it official.

      1. Sara Olson-Liebert says:

        I would agree.  Then, there is the fact that Nolan and I eloped. There was too much drama involved in a “WEDDING”.  It got old and ugly fast. We sat down on my birthday because I was in tears over the insurmountable drama and decided right then and there that we cared more about being married than we cared about a wedding. So we went and got married a week later.

        I’ve always felt like a lot of people forget that having a wedding is really about getting married, not about throwing the shiniest, sparkliest party around.  Weddings have turned into a pretty ugly, toxic biz and sadly- they’re one of the biggest businesses targeted at our young, idyllic brains. I think, personally, its because a LOT OF people hear those warning bells chiming at the back of their heads but instead of analyzing whats going on, they think “I NEED a 7 tier cake! My sister had a 5 tier one! Mine needs fireworks! La la la, that’ll make my marriage awesome!!!”It’s very weird to be young and be married, with kids, and the whole shebang, when I personally had never thought I’d get married or at least not until I was much older. But it helps to marry someone else who is committed to hard work, not bells and whistles.  It’s hard to see a marriage go poisonously wrong when we’re this young too because there can be some awesomely irreversible damage.  Especially when you know a person is awesome enough to deserve a really GOOD marriage.  Then again, I also say, there’s NOTHING wrong with not wanting to get married.  We’re not all cut out of that cloth.  I’m tired of hearing people being nagged on just because they decide they want something different.

        1. I actually have a solution to the “Divorce Problem.” It involves a cultural shift that will destroy the profit bridal industry, though. Absolutely no one throws a party for in celebration of a marriage for the first year. We shift the concept of the reception from being the day a couple gets married to being on their 1 year wedding anniversary. 

          Most failed marriages fail in the first year. The first year shouldn’t even count for marriage then.

          Of course, I still think we should get rid of the legal definition of marriage all together.  It solves a great deal of the economic and civil liberty problems in the US. Marriage is a cultural idea created to get people to breed. We really need to create a culture that emphasizes the idea of quality over quantity in child raising anyway.

  2. Patti Murphy says:

    I agree with Sara. Even when you’re with your soulmate, marriage can be tough, and if you’re not, then it’s impossible.

    We also eloped and have recently celebrated 17 years of marriage (+5 years of dating). I highly recommend eloping. I love going to other people’s weddings, but the thought of putting on our own show gave me the vapours. Plus, we were broke, and as you say, the money spent on a wedding is better spent elsewhere. I bought my husband a tie and I managed to squeeze myself into my high-school grad dress and we headed to the court house.

    I love being married. There’s a lot of compromise, but I can’t imagine a life without my husband. No matter what, we’re in each other’s corner.

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