Blog, Deep Archives

Wasting Time On Facebook with a Flock of Misanthropic Avians

Seriously this is Pretty freaking Cool
Seriously, You know this is the coolest sculpture you’ve ever seen… EVER!

 

I have from time to time, discussed my preference for using Facebook as my greatest time waster. I have lamented the hours of time spent building my pretend medieval society in Castleville. I have talked about my mad frog-shooting skills in Zuma Blitz. I have avoided talking about the fact that I am addicted to cyber-stalking my friends and family with the tenacity of a sociopath, but only because I’m ashamed of it.

(That’s a joke. I don’t do that… or do I?)

Now, though, I’ve moved on to the ultimate time waster – Angry Birds.

The immense pleasure I get from firing a small, grumpy, wingless monstrosity at the feeble defenses of a horde of sickly pigs is practically indescribable. I don’t think it’s a healthy marker of an enlightened society that this game has held us all in check for so long. Perhaps I would be better off challenging my compatriots to the mind expanding Words with Friends, and I did have a moderate foray into Draw Something for a couple months, but, THE BIRDS ARE MY MASTER NOW! 

I actually played some Birds as the phone app for a while, but I quickly grew bored with it. Now, I find myself playing the exact same levels over and over again on Facebook, and I think I’ve figured out why I tend to devote myself to facebook games so much more than games on the console or phone:

I’m pretty good at kicking ass.

I have an incredibly competitive nature it turns out. This is sad for me because I’m not all that great at too many things you can turn into competition regularly. I blame a combination of being a lazy fat kid and having the social team skills of brain-damaged kangaroo. Most sports are just out of the question for me. I don’t like going places to compete either. Also, I suck at the standard competition game of choice for social inept shut ins: First Person Shooters, so that leaves me with very limited options.

So, I find myself falling prey to the oldest ploy in the book. I am a flavor of the Month Facebook Gamer.

I should point out that not too long ago (roughly 6 months or so) I decided to give up all Facebook games. I went into every single one of them and deactivated the app on my timeline so I wouldn’t hear the siren’s song drawing me back in. Still, like the addict that I am, when certain parts of my life started to get a little too hard, I caved and found a new, harder drug to fill the void.

Now, I see no end in my bird flinging in sight. I’ve started winning the weekly tournaments, and they add new levels all the time. I think I’m going to end up being a miserly old geezer still smashing pigs with birds… even if at that point in the future it is all a VR simulation with near real world physics and I have to put up with the sulfurous smell of the formerly existent black bird.

 

I wonder if there is an Angry Birds Patch….

 

I should look into some sort of management program before I am found, delirious in a field of collapsed boards and concrete, surrounded by the corpses of mutilated farm animals and exotic aviary.

….

Although, that might get me on Conan.

Published by M.A. Brotherton

M.A. Brotherton is a writer, blogger, artist, and fat-kid from the suburbs of Kansas City, Missouri. He’s tasted a little bit of everything the Midwest has to offer, ranging from meth-tweaking rednecks in massive underground cave complexes to those legendary amber waves of grain. When he’s not writing, he spends most of his time screwing around on the internet.