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Top 9 Hobbies I’m Never Going to Have (Despite how much I want them)

Top 9 Hobbies I'm Never Going to Have (Despite how much I want them)

I like to think of myself as a Renaissance man with mad skills and endless depths of wisdom. I’m not but I like to think it’s true. I like to pretend I have an endless amount of time, skill, and creativity.

But, I don’t. There are only so many hours in a day and my talents are not universal.

I have to dedicate myself to a few chosen endeavours, such as writing and cooking. Which means, I have a ton of things I’d like to do but never will.

Top 9 Hobbies I’m Never Going to Have
(Despite how much I want them)

9. Collecting Comic Books

I like the idea of collecting comic books, but I have three problems with it:

  1. Comic books are an expensive hobby.
  2. The great ones have been around forever and getting started now seems like a giant shank in the fanny.
  3. Comic books take up a ton of space.

My reading went up after I got a Kindle. E-books are cheaper and don’t take up any space. You can get comics on the Kindle, too. I’ve tried it, but it isn’t the same experience.

And they still cost as much as the paper comics.

So, I like reading comics but I will never collect them.

8. Cosplay

Cosplay—costume play—is like the ultimate crafting hobby. To pull it off, you need sewing, woodworking, sculpting, metalworking, hairdressing, and fifty other skills.

And it looks like more fun than an entire mansion converted into a ball pit.

I’ve done this and that over the years in LARP. I’ve made garb here, a trinket or two there. I’ve never made anything great, but I get by.

In the world after the apocalypse, cosplayers will run all the boutiques—outfitting the strangely coordinated gangs and sharp-dressed warlords. I’ll be happy with my ability to not run around naked.

Maybe someday I’ll have a closet full of outlandish disguises, but I doubt it.

7. Mentalism

There are a few types of magicians in the world, mentalists are the ones that pretend to have psychic powers. The real masters can use psychology and pattern manipulations to pull off awesome stunts.

I don’t have any interest in going all Darren Brown and robbing a diamond exchange (even if it is for entertainment only).

But, I LARP as a wizard and it always seemed like it would be good role playing bonus. Wizards are supposed to know stuff besides shooting fireballs, right?

I’ve experimented with it here and there. Honing my “predict the future” skills, but I’m not very good at it. I’d like to be, but it takes dedicated practice and I don’t have time for that nonsense.

6. Video Games

I know many people who like video games. I like video games. I used to play World of Warcraft for days on end. I loved it.

But, I don’t think I have that switch in my head that lets me say, “Okay, an hour is enough.”

Also, you have to either upgrade your computer or buy a new console every few weeks.

If I had endless piles of money, I’d play video games again. All day long while pizza rolls are delivered by my 80’s robot butler.

But, barring that, I’ll just watch video game trailers on YouTube.

5. Calligraphy

I have excellent penmanship.

No brag. Okay… a little brag.

As much as I toll the virtues of a paperless society, I enjoy writing things longhand. There’s an elegance and art to it.

Calligraphy is the next level. It’s art mixed with ritual.

I’ve never gotten into it and I probably fetishize it.

But, who am I kidding? I can’t even get myself to write in a journal regularly.

4. Collecting Stuff

I wrote about my obsession with collecting things and why I suck at it last Friday.

3. Map Making

I’ve drawn a few maps in my life. Little things I’ve put together for role playing games. Nothing like the stuff I’ve seen at the Cartographers’ Guild.

There are some great tutorials and guides on the site. If I practiced , I could make some awesome things. Take all these graph paper doodles and turn them into awesome wall art.

I like having cool maps on my wall.

2. Anything Musical… at all

If you’ve ever heard me sing or attempt to play a musical instrument, you know this is a pipe dream.

Also, singing in public triggers massive anxiety attacks, so, I will never be a pop star.

But, I do dream about being a rockstar from time-to-time. Well, more like an acoustic emo solo artist. You know, sitting on a stool, single spotlight shining down on my trilby.

I’ve got dreams, man. Dreams you can’t understand!

Where’s my sweater…

1. DM’s Craft

D&D—and any other tabletop roleplaying game—can be played with a handful of dice, a pencil, and a powerful imagination. If you want to get fancy, you add in some miniatures and a dry erase grid.

Then, there’s the hardcore gamers. They make all kinds of cool stuff. There’s even an entire YouTube community, lead by the king nerd, DM Scotty.

I’ve been watching the crafting videos with a heart full of longing. I even procured a hot glue gun. But, I don’t play D&D anymore. My gaming buddies are 2500 miles away.

Also, this is one of those things I show interest in and have no follow through with. I don’t have the time or gumption to do the work.

So, I’ll keep watching the videos and salivating.

Published by M.A. Brotherton

M.A. Brotherton is a writer, blogger, artist, and fat-kid from the suburbs of Kansas City, Missouri. He’s tasted a little bit of everything the Midwest has to offer, ranging from meth-tweaking rednecks in massive underground cave complexes to those legendary amber waves of grain. When he’s not writing, he spends most of his time screwing around on the internet.

2 thoughts on “Top 9 Hobbies I’m Never Going to Have (Despite how much I want them)”

  1. S0rceress0 says:

    I’m glad I knew this was comedic or else “Also, you have to either upgrade your computer or buy a new console every few weeks.’ would have caused me to go off on a 9am morning rant about Linux LOLOL

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      Awe, man! I should have put “Tinkering with Linux” on this list. I just don’t have the time or brainpower to do it anymore… I miss it. I should order a Raspberry Pi and build an HTPC for the living room…

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