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5 Awesome Christmas Gifts for the Professional Adult in your Life

SantaMatt

Holiday Gift Giving Time is Here!

Saturnalia, Hanukah, Solstice, Yule, Chawmos, Goru, Lohri, Makara Sankranti, Mummer’s Day, and Christmas are just a few of the dozens of Winter Solstice Festivals held every December. I’m pretty sure those don’t even count the Summer Solstice Festivals of December in the Southern Hemisphere. What I’m saying is, no matter what you call it, December is a time to get down and dirty with the eating, drinking, burning candles and most importantly buying me giving gifts.

Knowing exactly what to buy me get for the Professional Adult in your life can be a difficult task, though. You might end up panicking and buying everyone you know a pair of socks! This might seem like a logical, reasonable plan at first. Everyone has feet. However, when executed it does result in you being banned from the Midwinter Bonfire at Research Station Freezing. You don’t want to be banned from the only celebration happening on the entire continent, do you?

Fortunately, I spend a lot of time cruising Amazon* for awesome stuff that makes me go, “I WANT THAT!”

Maybe there is someone in your life with a giant pile of eclectic tastes and a need to be emotionally fulfilled by stuff. If there is. Maybe I can help you find the perfect gift. If not, maybe I can help you find the perfect gift for me yourself.

Either way, I’m going to show you some awesome things that I think every Professional Adult would want cluttering up their homes, offices, and mobile command centers.

Because they are awesome.

GIFTS FOR PROFESSIONAL ADULTS (AKA Matt’s Christmas List)

Being Batman

Let’s face it. Batman is awesome. Professional Adults are awesome. Tuxedos are also awesome. Combining formal wear and batman makes you even more awesome.

I shared this link on twitter a couple of weeks back and the general consensus was that this is pretty much as B.A. as you can get with cufflinks. Although there were also some alternative ideas.

If, like me, you’re not Bruce Wayne Wealthy, the $139 price tag might seem stupid high. That’s because if you’re like me, you’ve probably only spent more than $0.25 on jewelry once, and that turned out to be a huge waste of money.

If that’s how you roll, then you’re probably going to prefer to look stainless steel swank in a cheaper ($15) version of the Batman.

Hone Your Warrior Skills

Swordsmanship is a skill that too few people possess in a world that lives continuously on the brink of the apocalypse. People are too quick to forget that in the new wastelands bullets will be a finite resource. Sure, you can think to yourself, “Wouldn’t a bow be more practical, range is always better.” You’d be partially correct. Doing things like hunting, either food-beasts or zombies, requires ranged weapons, and a bow (or a crossbow since you’ve never learned how to fire a real bow in your life) will make it easier.

For the real dirty work of living in the Post-Apocalypse, though, you’re going to need to know how to swing some steel. If you don’t believe me, just spend a few minutes watching Revolution. Those guys know what’s-for.

I’m not saying we’re a mere 15 days from the end of the world, but I am saying that some time in the near future you need to know how to hack a man apart with nothing but the strength of your arms, your own wits, and a 30” piece of steel.

You can’t just jump into this kind of thing, though. You might want to consider learning how to use a sword before investing what can be several hundred dollars for one that will actually withstand combat.

I recommend the Cold Steel polypropylene training swords. I own one, and can vouch for the feel and balance of them. They’re not really any more expensive than a wooden waster, and they look and balance more like the real thing. (They’re still a bit light, but not bad.) In my opinion, these are the best training swords on the market.

Samsung Tab 10.1 – For Creative Types

I’m not afraid to admit that I would choke a donkey with King Kong’s dirty socks to get my hands on a new tablet. This is the one that has everything I want. Really, I’m putting it here so we can all bask in it’s glow and drool on ourselves a little.

It’s marvelous.

I want it.

I’ll do your dirty work for it. Seriously, I’ll put a horse head in someone’s bed if that’s what it takes.

 

LEGOS!

If you don’t like Legos, there is something wrong with you that cannot be repaired.





Robot Companion

Let’s face it. Everyone on the entire planet needs a robot companion. They’re a heck of a lot less messy and drunk than human best friends and they can still do things like hang out and play games. Also, I happen to have it on good authority that R2 units are incredibly repairable and extremely good at spaceship maintenance.

I know how much help I could use maintaining my own personal space ship.

 

Who doesn’t? Right? Right?

 

 

So, What have we Learned Today?

Well, we learned that there is an unlimited number of stuff on Amazon that is awesome. You can do all of your Holiday shopping in one place without putting on pants, and we learned that I am a corporate whore!

But seriously, if the Pro-Adult in your life is anything like this one you only have to answer 3 basic questions and you’ll know if what you’ve got is a good gift:

  1. Does it Blink, Flash, Glow, or Make Noise?
  2. Can it be used to fight off hordes of nanite-controlled Zombatons?
  3. Is it some form of Android?

1 out of 3 is good enough, 2 out of 3 is awesome.

3 out of 3? I’m pretty sure R2D2 is the only thing on Amazon that answers that question. You might need a specialty shop.

 

 

 

 


* In the Interest of Full Disclosure all of the Amazon Links on this post are Affiliate Links. If you want to more details on how I’ll whore myself and the blog for large piles of money and/or gift cards, you can find them on my About page.

Published by M.A. Brotherton

M.A. Brotherton is a writer, blogger, artist, and fat-kid from the suburbs of Kansas City, Missouri. He’s tasted a little bit of everything the Midwest has to offer, ranging from meth-tweaking rednecks in massive underground cave complexes to those legendary amber waves of grain. When he’s not writing, he spends most of his time screwing around on the internet.

2 thoughts on “5 Awesome Christmas Gifts for the Professional Adult in your Life”

  1. Tracy Mangold says:

    I like all of it. Although, I already have the iPad so the Samsung tablet is not something I need. My friend Gwen has the R2D2 usb flash drive which is very cool. 😉 Matt if I had ooooodles of money, I’d shower you with these gifts. FUN gift guide. 🙂

    1. M.A. Brotherton says:

      If I had oodles of money, I’d start a Great Dane ranch in Montana and create a Great Dane cavalry force.

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