Weekends are strange.
I want to enjoy them, but, I can’t. The extra free time is simultaneously not enough and too much.
My weekdays are structured. Every action rolls into the next. I have order and routine. I feel like I know what I should do without effort and I can do the tasks I want to do without forcing myself.
When I have less free time, I do more with it.
My weekends are different. I don’t feel a sense of urgency to accomplish anything. There is more time available. I can push everything off for a little bit longer.
Until I can’t. The weekend is used up and I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything.
One moment, I’m procrastinating through a Friday night, telling myself I’ll get to something first thing Saturday morning. Then, next thing I know, it’s Sunday night. I haven’t folded or put away any of the laundry. I have written nothing. If I am feeling productive, I might have gotten dressed.
For two days, I’ve done nothing. So, I chastise myself and promise I’ll do better next weekend.
But, I won’t.
I might knock a few small chores off my list and pretend I did something worthwhile with my free time, but, I’ll still end up spending most of my weekend half-asleep on my couch.
Because, that’s what I do on weekends. It’s a vicious cycle.