I Really Can’t Write Sex Scenes

When you’re a working writer, the topic of Erotica comes up. Probably more frequently than with real, proper society, but less often than a typical sewing circle. Writers talk about different genres the way bankers talk about investments. Sometimes we just want to know what makes money.

There is no surprise that sex sells. Hardcore sex sells frequently and in small chunks. Romantic sex sells continually, and with as much frequency as it can be released. So, of course, as someone that wants to make a living off of his writing, I’ve tried to write sex and learned that I am horrible at it.


Probably because I’m not generally having any. Who knows.


So, when the subject of erotica came up again recently, I thought I’d share my thoughts with the masses.


I am strictly pro-erotica. When erotica writer Lexi Maxxwell says, “Most of life’s stories would be erotica if people told the fucking truth,” I agree with her. Even for those of us that are only having sex with ourselves, sex is a part of life. It makes things interesting. We are biologically programmed for it.


I actually read quite a bit of romance. That might surprise those of you that don’t follow me on Goodreads. Part of this is because of the crossover between Urban Fantasy (my primary genre) and Paranormal Romance (like Twilight). It behooves me as an author to read what else is in the market. The other part is, I’m a romantic sap. I love Romantic Comedies, Lifetime and Hallmark Movies, and pretty much anything starring Reese Witherspoon. So, yeah, I read romance.

I believe that all writers can learn a thing or two from the Romance Divas. Not just on marketing, writing, and workflow, but on a deeper level. In the right light, all human interaction can be linked to romance. Emotion makes reality. I can get into some physics on this here, but I’m not going to. So, you know, take my word for it.

Now, romance and sex are not the same thing. Romance is about making emotional connections and sex is about fulfilling a deep biological need. Still, they’re pretty closely linked in our society, so they tend to go hand in hand. I hypothesize that one of the two is at the root of all human interaction. That means learning to skills and techniques for writing them can improve any writing.

Romance writers are usually just a few steps ahead of the rest of us on these things.


Those are my thoughts on sex and romance. I know, nothing earth shattering here. But, if you’ve held off this long, I’ve got a treat for you.


Remember when I said I’ve tried to write sex and I’m not good at it. Here’s the proof. 

Warning. There is poorly written sex on that link. You have been warned.


Until next time,