*Don’t kick puppies.
When you take a hard look at your life, you sometimes find that you aren’t in the place you think you are. For the last six years I’ve been working a job that I never thought was going to be the end all be all of my life. I always told myself that I would stabilize my life, go back to school, start a family, and end up being the most influential and renowned writer of all time…

I’m gunning for you Shakespeare…

In the end, I feel a bit l like I wasted six years of my life. That’s ok, when I get the robot upgrade, I’ll have an infinite time to make up for it. Still, I regret letting those years go by without allowing myself to remember to dream huge.

DREAM HUGE OR GET EATEN BY A GRUE

All the self help guys, and I have read dozens of their books and blogs, have one of two things they always ask the reader:

1) If money was no issue, what would you do with your life?
2) What’s stopping you from doing it now?

For the last few years I’ve had the same smartass answer for the several friends and family members that have asked me the same question; I’d do nothing¹.

I think part of that answer is true, if you have me millions and let me go, is probably waste my life doing something like eating pizza rolls and chicken wings through a funnel while chain watching series after series of old TV shows.

If to really pushed me though, put my back against the wall and forced me to work for those millions, I’d actually put some thought into it.

It’s about that there are a few things that I do that I enjoy most in life.

The top of this list is to drive around aimlessly while listening to audiobooks.

I don’t think I can think of anything that I do more often with more of a Zen-like feeling of calm. It is my current nirvana. I use that time to learn awesome things like the shortcuts or brains take in problem solving, or that Adam Corolla prefers pie to cake. If they is any one thing I would do, given a paycheck to do anything, that’s what it would be.

Now I just have to find a way to get paid for it. Even this fat kid knows that pizza rolls ain’t free. Even though they should be. I’m campaigning for World Emperor on a platform of pizza rolls in every belly and a taco every Tuesday. Don’t worry there will be vegetarian and begin tacos available on request…

Please specify in advance.

So to make a long story short, I am actively seeking a way to get paid to drive across the country. I want to explore the US. I don’t want to just spend time at the tourist traps, I want to learn the entire country…

It will make being your supreme dictator and pharaoh much easier…

Seriously, though, I am going to conquer the world… possibly Ender’s Game style: by blogging.

Vote Matt for World Domination 2024.

2024 is when the aliens come and force us to unite to save humanity. But, that’s

1- This unnecessary semicolon w was laced here on purpose as part of a secret code. Figure it out and you win a prize… Prize to be determined.