Clocks don’t tick in my world. They silently change from one digit to another, even the analog clocks are silent as the hands twist and twirl through the forth dimension. The gears have been replaced by quarts crystals and silicon chips. Time has become a silent, running agent. It works against us in the background, silent, hidden.

Time is a damned ninja.

Time Keeps Passing Me By

I am not good at things that involve numbers as a general rule. I think it’s because numbers are stupid and we should invent a better system for quantifying the universe, possibly based on flavor. Salty + Sweet = Vanilla! I’m telling you, it would just make all of physics click into place and we’d instantly have time travel. Think about it.

Well, like other things that involve managing numbers (money, computer coding, feeding the kids I’m babysitting) I’m really bad at time. I forget to pay attention, and before I know it, boom, another year down the drain, another step towards the end of everything as we know it, when our robot servants rise up against us to become our new overlords.

See, that was 190 words and it took me something like 30 minutes to write. Why? Because Twitter, and Facebook, then there was this kitten photo, and Kate Middleton is all knocked up and I had to Google that. Then I had to make jokes about it on Twitter, and Facebook, and then there was this other kitten picture.

That is basically the cycle of my life. I spend my days trying to focus on one thing, but in the end, I get spread across the internet with dozens of tabs open in my browser. I even have a tendency to just close out the browser and start over every couple of hours, just to get a fresh start on my attempt to be productive.

But I’m not a productive person.

I’m a time eating monster.¹

 

 

I don’t try to destroy the space time continuum on purpose. It’s just one of my super powers. I can’t control it. One minute I’m focused on completing a task and the next minute I feel compelled to doodle a doodle of myself eating a clock like it’s a large pizza.

In retrospect, I should have gone with the flip-top-head and a grandfather clock.

I never have enough opportunities to draw a Grandfather clock.

 

I have tried a dozen GTD systems and even a basic, simple To-Do list, which worked the best for me but still wasn’t a silver bullet in my time consumption. Still, I’m not going to give up on trying to reclaim my life from the void of temporal waste. Someday, I’ll figure out how to control time… possibly by reversing it and reusing it over and over.

 

LAW OF CONSERVATION OF MASS BE DAMNED!

 

 

 

 

1 – It should be noted that Time-Eating-Monsters are not the same thing as a having Time-Bitch Powers. The Time Bitch steals time from other people. Time eaters just devour it heartily.