I have from time to time, discussed my preference for using Facebook as my greatest time waster. I have lamented the hours of time spent building my pretend medieval society in Castleville. I have talked about my mad frog-shooting skills in Zuma Blitz. I have avoided talking about the fact that I am addicted to cyber-stalking my friends and family with the tenacity of a sociopath, but only because I’m ashamed of it.
(That’s a joke. I don’t do that… or do I?)
Now, though, I’ve moved on to the ultimate time waster – Angry Birds.
The immense pleasure I get from firing a small, grumpy, wingless monstrosity at the feeble defenses of a horde of sickly pigs is practically indescribable. I don’t think it’s a healthy marker of an enlightened society that this game has held us all in check for so long. Perhaps I would be better off challenging my compatriots to the mind expanding Words with Friends, and I did have a moderate foray into Draw Something for a couple months, but, THE BIRDS ARE MY MASTER NOW!
I actually played some Birds as the phone app for a while, but I quickly grew bored with it. Now, I find myself playing the exact same levels over and over again on Facebook, and I think I’ve figured out why I tend to devote myself to facebook games so much more than games on the console or phone:
I’m pretty good at kicking ass.
I have an incredibly competitive nature it turns out. This is sad for me because I’m not all that great at too many things you can turn into competition regularly. I blame a combination of being a lazy fat kid and having the social team skills of brain-damaged kangaroo. Most sports are just out of the question for me. I don’t like going places to compete either. Also, I suck at the standard competition game of choice for social inept shut ins: First Person Shooters, so that leaves me with very limited options.
So, I find myself falling prey to the oldest ploy in the book. I am a flavor of the Month Facebook Gamer.
I should point out that not too long ago (roughly 6 months or so) I decided to give up all Facebook games. I went into every single one of them and deactivated the app on my timeline so I wouldn’t hear the siren’s song drawing me back in. Still, like the addict that I am, when certain parts of my life started to get a little too hard, I caved and found a new, harder drug to fill the void.
Now, I see no end in my bird flinging in sight. I’ve started winning the weekly tournaments, and they add new levels all the time. I think I’m going to end up being a miserly old geezer still smashing pigs with birds… even if at that point in the future it is all a VR simulation with near real world physics and I have to put up with the sulfurous smell of the formerly existent black bird.
…
I wonder if there is an Angry Birds Patch….
…
I should look into some sort of management program before I am found, delirious in a field of collapsed boards and concrete, surrounded by the corpses of mutilated farm animals and exotic aviary.
….
Although, that might get me on Conan.