I have a confession to make. I’ve been half-assing November here on the blog. Part of that is because I’ve focused almost all of my time on finishing my NaNoWriMo project, but mostly it’s because I’ve been feeling for a long while now that I don’t really know what I’m doing. It’s been a pretty big struggle for me, because I feel like this is the most therapeutic and important thing I’ve done with my life, but I also feel like I’m not doing it justice at all.
November is coming to a close now. The schedule I created for the month leaves me with only a couple of open blog posts to really express myself. I’m okay with that.
What I have to do now, though, is apologize to my readers and friends for being quiet, distant and a bit surly lately. I’ve had a lot of things on my mind and a lot more on my plate. I hope that in the end, I’ve created something for you that is worth the hassle, but it is still a ways off, and I feel like I’ve been neglecting you.
You all deserve more than that from me.
I hope that you can accept that apology, and perhaps I can sugar coat the sting a little if I explain what I am working on and where I am hoping these things are headed.
I’ve come to love doing the podcast, and working on a real project with Chris has been a goal of mine for a long time. We are still learning about what it means to do a podcast, and hopefully you will give us time to get through our growing pains as we figure out exactly how we should be using our voices. This is a project that the two of us have been working on since way back when they were still call “shoutcasts” and you primarily listened to them using WinAmp. We are still very much in the early stages of figuring out what exactly it is for, what function it serves.
We know that we are entertainers first, and we hope that we have done our job in making you laugh and think from that aspect. We are doing our best to balance work, other projects and the precious enjoyment of free time with the podcast in hopes that we can also become more informative.
It is at least my hope that in the future, Half Drunk can be more than just an outlet for recording our thoughts on different subjects.
I at least appreciate the support we’ve gotten so far. We know we have a long way to go, we’re going to keep working to improve.
Expect to see HalfDrunk find a home of its own soon. I think it’s maturing enough that it’s time for me to kick it out and let it find its own apartment. It needs to grow up and stop crashing on my couch.
After an entire year of soul searching, I haven’t been able to come up with the purpose for this blog. I’ve always wanted to have a place where I could put my thoughts out to the world and share them with people that I felt either thought similarly to how I do, or needed to maybe hear about things from a different perspective. When I created “Screaming Voice of Reason,” my original blog, I had given myself a soap box to stand on and preach. When I created “Matt Surfs” it was intended to be a place where I shared cool things on the Internet, mostly for my Dad. I have to admit, I had plans of also writing paid reviews.
Instead, I started Reverb10, and it was such a huge thing for me that I tried to keep going with that spirit into the new year. When I decided back in May that I was going to merge the blogs, I didn’t know exactly where I was going to go from there. I feel like I’ve been floundering since then, chasing down whims and dreams. I’m not following my priorities at all, and I’m not really getting any closer to accomplishing any of my 30 before 30 goals. I have been feeling like a boat without a rudder.
Then I texted my brother, asking him what he thought the point of my site was, and he gave me a pretty great response:
I would classify it as editorial, you write what’s on your mind. The truth as you see it. But if I had to put a synopsis on it. As a whole, I would say it’s about your journey as you try to become a professional writer.
It might not seem like a lot, but it did show me that I had a direction to walk in, even if I still didn’t know for sure what where I was walking towards. I don’t really know what being a professional writer means in the modern world, but I know it means writing. Maybe I haven’t been sharing enough of my writing and what it means to me to be writing with all of you.
Going into the Future
I’ve been learning a lot about myself and writing from NaNoWriMo, and even though I’m 100% sure that the book I have written so far this month will never see print, I am extremely proud of what I have accomplished. I plan on having finished my 50,000 words by Thanksgiving, which is Thursday. I’m not sure if I will keep going on this particular project once I get there. This project was all about getting the words on paper and proving to myself that I could do it.
Now that I have accepted that as a fact, I am ready to really start working on something more. I want to do a project from start to finish, probably over more than a month, that will end in something real and tangible. I’ll admit, it would be nice to get to a point where I had something to sell, something I had created, but my real goal is to do the creating.
So, yes, I apologize, because none of the things I’ve been devoting myself to would exist if it wasn’t for the amazing readers and friends I’ve developed through this blog, and I’ve been ignoring and neglecting you. I’ve been working on these other great projects, and I’ve been hiding them away.
That isn’t what has made the last year of my life one of the best years I’ve ever had. The last year of my life has been amazing because I’ve shared it with all of you, and I need to remember that going forward.
See you on the flip side of November, when NaNo is done, and Reverb11 is upon us. I promise, I won’t be a stranger.
PS: Also, Safety Dance