Too Young to Be the Grumpy Old Man

It’s the dark day when you realize that at the venerable old age of 27, you have become the grumpy, bitter, old man in your group of friends. Of course certain friends of mine that seek to actively remind me that I “hate things that are fun,” usually while I’m lecturing him on the wisdom of not drinking another 4Loko and the dangers of eating nothing but Ramen noodles.

Then suddenly, something very horrifying hit me. I wasn’t lecturing him because he was drinking fermented cat urine mixed with the batch of red bull that had been accidentally mixed with toxic waste, but because it was time he grew up and acted like an adult.

That’s right. I told my friend to act like a freakin’ adult.

There was a shattering glass moment inside my head as all of my illusions were instantaneously shattered. I’m a freakin’ grown up…

Today, at lunch, I ordered tea. TEA! Not Dr. Pepper or delicious, awesome providing Cherry Coke, but TEA!

Every night this week I’ve gone to bed BEFORE 11 PM!

My knees hurt before a storm!

I sit in the living room and watch my stories with my dog that just lays under my feet half asleep the whole time.

You know who does those things?

Old people.

Not the awesome kind of old people either, you know the ones that drive motorcycles and fire machine guns.

Nope, the boring, old, waiting to die kind of old people.

I’m way to young for that, so I’m gonna go buy some legos.