Planting the Seeds #Reverb11

A little over seven months ago, I thought to myself, “You know what, I’m a loud mouthed, overly opinionated narcissist, I think the internet needs to read what I have to say.” So,  I went out into cyberspace, did a little research, and ultimately concluded that it was time for me to start a blog. I immediately went to my soapbox and started typing away, coming up with some pretty insane and asinine things to be upset about, because I thought that was what I was meant to do as a writer. I had convinced myself that I didn’t have anything to offer the world outside of my anger and pain. I burned out pretty quickly writing that way and recruited some friends and got them to write that way, too.


Then, along came #Reverb10.

I had decided back in November that maybe this blogging thing wasn’t for me. I was getting no where fast and was starting to get burnt out writing about politics and business. There were other things on my mind, and I was drowning in a sea of self-doubt, depression, social anxiety and fried chicken. I knew something needed to change, so I turned to the internet and started looking for that one thing that would really satisfy me. I decided that SVoR wasn’t the appropriate venue for the new direction I was going to go in, and created a new blog.  I knew that I wanted to write about the things that go on in my life, which was mostly internet sites, gadgets and television at the time, but I also thought I needed to start out by writing lots of content, you know, to establish myself before I started selling out for those paid review sites.

It was while reading Life Without Pants that I first learned about this 31 Day writing challenge called #Reverb10.  The premise was that for everyday in December, you would get a prompt to fuel your writing. I signed up thinking it would be a great way to just build up a little bit of content and give myself a break from trying to think of things to write.

It was probably the most important decision I’ve ever made.

Thanks to Reverb, I was able to work through some issues that I was carrying. I made friends with fellow bloggers, and I learned about myself by really looking at myself in a way that I hadn’t ever done before. My skill as a writer, in my opinion, dramatically improved. It made me feel talented.

I realized for the first time, I can do this.

The Long Term Goal

The last couple of weeks, I’ve been feeling depression sneaking up on me. It happens every few months, and it can be hard to really figure out what it is that’s causing it. Writing about it really helped keep it in check, and it all came to a head when I finally confronted my anxieties, stared them in the face and screamed, “FUCK YOU, MENTAL ILLNESS!”

It made me realize what I want to do in life, and what I absolutely don’t want to do. I suppose a part of me has always known that it would come down to this, I had just never truly believed that I could.

I’m a writer. I don’t want to be anything other than a writer, professionally speaking. I mean, I also want to be a robot dragon. Thanks to you guys and your awesome encouragement, I’ve finally accepted that I can be a writer and not the starving bohemian kind that I pretended to be for years.

But, if I want to be serious and get out of my office-bitch-cube-farm 9-5, I’m going to have to figure a few things out. That means stepping back from the internet for a couple of weeks and really sitting down to make a plan and set goals.

For the first time in a very long time, I think I know what I want, and I’m going to figure out how to get it.

See you in Two Weeks.