Get it off my Chest

You never censor anything you say, I think that is your key to success in life.

-Me to a Certain Brazen Friend


I’ve always had a big mouth, but I’ve also been scared to death to use it. I’ve said a lot of things I didn’t mean to say, and I’ve avoided saying a lot of things I should have. When you’re afraid to say what’s on your mind, it festers and bulges until you have no choices but to explode out into a world that isn’t ready for that tirade.

It ruins relationships, destroys friendships, and usually starts a pretty strong pull on the emo spiral.

Sometimes you just have to let these things out, and where better to do that than the in the public scrutiny of the internet.

I Say These Things Because I Have To, Because I Care and stuff…

“You live on my couch, accept the fact that I sometimes know what I’m talking about.”

You’ve been my best friend for ten years. In all that time, you’ve been the cool one and I’ve been your socially inept sidekick. The real world doesn’t work like high school though, and as we creep our way into our thirties, you’re quickly approaching Charlie Sheen territory. You’ve started making some good decisions lately to get your life back on track. I’m proud of you for that. You know that I’m always going to have a couch for you to crash on, but you also know that couch is always going to come with someone nagging you to do better. I’ve seen you do it before. Listen to a little bit of my advice, and maybe you can sleep on your own couch someday.


“I’m an emotional train wreck, but I’m tired of blaming it on you.”

In the beginning it was easier to blame you than to actually confront my feelings. As long as I was able to keep myself angry, I was able to keep myself numb. The truth is, I said a lot of things that I truly wish now that I could take back, and I know it didn’t make your life any easier. Everything just seemed so easy for you to put behind you. I should have been able to see how much of a lie that was, but I was pretty blinded. I know it’s still a little weird, but hopefully we can get past it. We’ve always made way better friends than we did a couple anyway.

“Please, kindly, do us all a favor. Shut up and Die already.”

Ok, maybe you don’t actually need to die, but you definitely need to accept the fact that your live in 2011 and not 1945. Which shouldn’t be hard to you since, you know, you were born in the late 60s. It’s really time you pulled your head out of your ass and realized that just about everything you believe in is the opposite of reality. Were it in my legal authority to do so, I would strap you to a wall, fasten open your eyes and force feed you sixty years worth of progress in the United States.  You know you’re backwards when even the good ol’ boy rednecks think you’re behind the times.

“Dude, I got your back.”

You’re my little brother, and as far as I’m concerned you’re already a giant effing Rock Star, all you have to do is keep plugging away. Don’t forget, though, when you’re a millionaire guitar king, that your older bro deserves to drive a car that looks and acts like the batmobile.

“I am a horrible grandson.”

I’ve never been particularly good at relating to anybody, and family is no exception to that. I hid away from everyone for years, never leaving my own version of a hermit’s hovel if I could avoid it. Even after I decided to stop hiding away from the world, I was still negligent. I wish I could say that I would have been there more if I had known how little time there was left, I would have been around more, but that would be a lie. I’m a selfish, horrible person who gets caught up easily in his own stupid crap and forgets how important other people are. I’ll keep trying to be better, though.

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