4 Arguments people tell me to get me to watch the Superbowl

By Nicole Cordeiro [CC-BY-2.0 (www.creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
You don't even care enough about the Superbowl to realize this picture isn't from this year.

Image Credit By Nicole Cordeiro [CC-BY-2.0 ],  via Wikimedia Commons

Yesterday was the Superbowl, and today is the dreaded Monday after.  For those of you who live outside the United States, or have somehow otherwise been blissfully ignorant of the horrifying cultural cult that is the American Obsession with the Superbowl, it is the champion ship game for the NFL. Those are the guys that play American Football, which is like Rugby, except simultaneously more violent and less bloody. It’s also somehow become a culturally mandatory event. I suppose I should applaud the Superbowl for bridging the gap between groups as diverse as hipsters and the Amish. I would if there was any reason to watch the Superbowl at all.

In fact, so few people have legitimate interest in watching the Superbowl, that as a Nation, we began making up excuses to watch it, so we can justify wasting our lives when we don’t even know that one of the teams comes from Pittsburgh instead of Philadelphia.

Arguments People Use to Justify Watching the Superbwl.

It has become so much of a cultural addiction to watch, that it becomes out of place when someone doesn’t waste 3-5 hours of their life watching a sporting event that they don’t care about. Peer pressure results in us finding some really unique and interesting ways to justify watching something we don’t care about to our friends that would look at us like we’d grown a thir second head if we watched any other football game.

I watch it for the Commercials.

I don’t know about you, but I thank God on a regular basis that I have DVR and Netflix so that I don’t have to watch a single commercial ever. Why then would I go out of my way to force myself to watch grown men in tights smash into each other for 3 hours just so I could watch the new season of advertisements. Besides, even if I wanted to see the new commercials, it would be much more time efficient for me to wait until Monday, google “Best Superbowl Commercials,” and get 640,000 results. Oh, if you’re curious, you can also get 475,000 results for “Worst Superbowl Commercials,” if you’re into that sort of thing.

It’s a good reason to party

Ok. There are 2 possible problems here:

1) You either party so little that you need to find a reason like the Superbowl to socialize, or

2) You party so much that you’ve run out of excuses and you might as well party because it’s Sunday.

Either way, you might have a serious problem, and you should probably consult a professional.

Not Watching is Un-American.

I’m not sure why people come at me with this particular argument, being as I’m fairly vocal about both my political beliefs and my philosophical ideals on what the founding fathers held dear at the creation of America. I don’t think a Democratic Republic utilizing representative governorship to give equal say to the minority as well as the majority has anything to do with professional sporting events. In fact, I checked, the United States has no official national sport, and Baseball is considered it’s de facto sport of choice. So, come this fall, if you use this argument to try to get me to care about the World Series, you’ll have a tiny bit more sway.

Not enough to convince me baseball isn’t boring, but more sway than the football guys.

What else are you going to watch?

Well, I could watch… nothing. That would be a perfectly understandable and valid option. For example you could read a book about how Football isn’t really an American sport, or you could spend time talking with people near by. Heck, you could even do something important and meaningful, like shoveling my stoop. If you are dead set, however, on gluing yourself to the television set, and I know I’ve been there, dude, it’s cool, then I suggest watching the Puppy Bowl. yeah, it has absolutely no meaning, but puppies are cute.

So, what I’m really curious about now, is do other country’s have this problem? Do you get guilted for not watching the Hockey, Soccer, or the Kabaddi championships? I think everyone gets it around the World Cup. I know in a couple of weeks I’ll start getting pressured to fill out a bracket for “March Madness.”

Like anyone cares about basketball, they don’t even strap blades or spikes to their feet. But, that’s a whole other bag, there, isn’t it.